"I look back on her teenage years as being the loveliest stage of her childhood" said no parent, ever. Living with teenagers can be stressful, exhausting, sometimes fulfilling and certainly unpredictable. Here’s some thoughts on how to help your child transition to a happy and healthy young adult, whilst keeping your own professional and personal life on track. These are based on my own experience and feedback from other parents. Remember you are the expert on what’s right for you and your family, these are only ideas. Be a role model for a happy, healthy and meaningful life Teenagers don’t appear to listen to what we say, but they certainly copy what we do. Pay attention to your own diet, exercise, sleeping habits, alcohol consumption, over-work and other life style choices. That includes letting them observe you having fun and making time for things you enjoy, as well as working and being a parent. It’s not selfish to have outside interests and let your children see that life is for living. Don’t pretend to be a clean-living paragon when you are not. It’s much better for them to see you balance a few days of healthier living to make up for a period of excess, whether through work or play. That’s real life. Turn off the digital devices Teenagers are notoriously critical of their parents so don’t make it easy for them to call you out on double-standards. You can’t expect them to make conversation with you if you are checking your own emails at the dinner table. Try to make some family rules about screen time and stick to them Talk, don’t bottle up your emotions It’s normal to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and tired from time to time. It’s also normal to feel frustrated or angry with your teenager sometimes too. Reach out to people who will support you. At work, advice and feedback is usually helpful. In our personal lives, you don’t necessarily need advice, just someone to listen to you non-judgementally. It’s ok for your teenagers to see that you can feel vulnerable or overwhelmed from time to time. They will learn how to deal with stressful situations from observing how you cope. Avoid comparisons Other people’s children may appear to be coping much better than yours, and other parents appear to be managing their life and career better also. That may be true, or it may not be. Surround yourself with a supportive network and don’t judge your own family life or other people. Life is a marathon not a sprint. If your children are facing difficulties now, then they will learn from their mistakes and build resilience. Don’t beat yourself or them up for not being perfect. You may even have to relax your high standards – maybe one relaxed, home-cooked meal with all the family round the table each week is enough to aim for? Create an easy space to talk As teens become increasingly independent they often spend more time with their friends than their family. This can feel like a rejection. Try and keep the lines of communication open. It is essential to invest your energy in maintaining a good relationship, even when they have trouble communicating. Talk to them about what you are up to, and perhaps they’ll reciprocate. Find the best time to get them to open up. Many parents say that their teens talk to them when they are taxi-ing them around. If your children are more relaxed in the early evening, then grab a cup of tea and chat to them when you get home, rather than rushing to do chores or doing work. Ditch the guilt Some days you simply have to put your professional life first to cope with the demands facing you. That’s modern life and that’s how you pay the bills. Don’t beat yourself up about it. They’ll respect you for your achievements, even if they don’t show it right now. No one says it is easy to balance work and family life. Smaller children are tiring but they are easier to control than stroppy teenagers. It’s hard for many of us to let go, particularly when we are usually in the driving seat in our personal and professional lives. Pick your battles carefully. Like all childhood phases, this won’t last for ever. Written by: Zena Everett, Executive Coach. Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.

Maternal Mental Health Week This week is Maternal Mental Health Week.  According to research, one in ten mums will develop a mental health illness during pregnancy and beyond.  Although starting a family is one of the most exciting things you may ever do, it can be challenging too, and bring lots of changes – even before your baby is born. From the time you find out a baby is on the way right through to the birth and the years that follow, you’re likely to experience a wide range of emotions – from joy, happiness and love right through to anxiety, self-doubt and frustration. In fact, it’s safe to say your life will never be exactly the same again. If you’re having your first baby, you may find it difficult to adjust, as you’ll be learning lots of new things as you go along. Indeed, according to one survey by baby products manufacturer Munchkin, it takes almost five months for new mothers to adapt to their new lifestyle after the birth of their baby, with many admitting they were overwhelmed by the prospect of becoming a parent. Learning to stay emotionally healthy at this time will help you to form a good and strong bond with your baby. So here are a few of the challenges you may encounter – and a few suggestions on how to cope with them. Sleep disruption  Lack of sleep is common during the first weeks and even months of being a new parent. Plus with the endless round of feedings, nappy changes and washing baby clothes, it’s no wonder many new parents claim they’re permanently exhausted. During the night, think about taking turns in feeding your baby (if your baby is breast fed, fathers can bottle feed using expressed milk). Having some quiet alone-time with their baby at night can give fathers another opportunity to build a strong bond with their baby.  Also try to catch up on your sleep whenever your baby is asleep, which may mean being more relaxed about things like cooking and doing chores around the house. Most importantly, remind yourselves that this period of sleep disruption won’t last forever, and that you’ll probably settle into a routine when your baby is around six to eight weeks old. Isolation  If you had a hospital birth, you may feel isolated and anxious when you first take your new baby home. Suddenly you’re both on your own with no one to help or give you advice, which can be daunting to say the least. But if you have friends and family nearby, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Many may choose to initially stay away because they think you need to have time on your own, but you’d be surprised at how happy most people would be to give you a hand. Also try to get out and about as much as possible with your baby, as being stuck in the house can make you feel even more isolated. The change of scenery will boost your mood, and your baby will feel better for getting out into the fresh air too. If you made friends with other parents-to-be at antenatal classes, why not arrange to get together with some of them? You may well find they’re having exactly the same experiences as you are, and talking about your feelings with others who know what you’re going through can make you realise you’re far from alone. Relationship problems  Many new parents feel there’s little time for their relationship as a couple when a new baby comes along. Studies suggest many parents feel less happy in their relationship after having a baby, and many fathers may feel left out, which can make them feel jealous of their partner’s closeness with the baby. Make sure you’re both involved with caring for your new baby – new dads need to build their confidence and their relationship with their child as well as new mums. Talk to each other about the way you feel, and let your partner know if you’re struggling to cope. Also start planning to do some of the things you did together before you had your baby, so you can enjoy time doing things as a couple, not just as parents. Negative feelings  A baby can turn your life upside down, so don’t be surprised if you have negative feelings from time to time, especially when everything seems more daunting than usual. These feelings are perfectly normal, so don’t be afraid to talk to someone about them. Also try to remember that it’s fine for mums and dads not to fall in love with their baby immediately. Forming a strong relationship with your baby can take a while, especially for mothers who had a long or difficult delivery. And having negative feelings towards your baby doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. If your partner is affected by negative feelings towards your baby, it’s more important than ever to reassure them that their emotions are normal, and that they will pass in time. Meanwhile, if a new mum shows a continuing lack of interest in her baby, it could be a sign of postnatal depression. If there’s a possibility you or your partner is affected by postnatal depression, it’s very important to speak to your GP about it and get treatment.  This article was kindly provided by CABA.

As the new school year approaches, anxiety is growing, and parents are conflicted. While we all accept the need for a return to school or college, it does mean that we must trust the plans and safeguards in place will work. Most children and teens are looking forward to returning to the classroom, however, the classroom will be very different, so as parents it is important to speak to your son/daughter before the term starts and ensure they are equipped and ready to adapt to the new ‘norm’ in school. You can support your child/teen through this transition back to school life. Here we have some top tips to guide these conversations: Ask how do they feel about going back to school? Listen carefully to the answer they may say what they think you want to hear. It is likely they will have mixed emotions, while they are eager to get back to the classroom, they have been safe at home with you or a trusted person for a long time now. Let them know that these feelings are ok and that everyone will most probably be feeling something similar. Set the scene. Give them as much information as possible. Most schools have been in contact with parents regarding the plans for re-opening and advised what is expected. The best thing you can do is make sure your son/daughter is informed, even if they are very young. Younger children can be assisted if they can see what is planned, so source photos or draw with them. Reassurance is key. Children are resilient, but they will need lots of re-assurance that returning to school is in their best interest. Their safety is a priority for their teachers, but they need to be aware of their own safety too. Let them know and understand how to stay safe in school e.g. washing their hands, not touching their face, listening to the teacher, and following the new rules. Keep the pressure off. Most children can adapt easily, but it will be a tricky time as a new routine needs to be established at home and in school, so be kind to yourself and don’t expect it all to happen overnight. Offer support, reassurance, and comfort, but don’t add any additional pressure, everyone will adapt at their own pace. Look forward. Much has changed since March and some of the changes in school will not be welcome. It is important to try and remain positive. This is not permanent and will end and we will be able to look forward and our feelings will change. Seek support. The transition may be more challenging to some children and they could find it difficult to adapt. If this happens speak to the school, they will be happy to help, remember they are doing everything they can so support students. If the difficulties persist and anxiety is becoming an issue seek support from your GP. Talk openly to teenagers they may be nervous about returning to school too, a lot has changed, including them and they could have worries you may not have considered. Teenagers still look to their parents for re-assurance and so it will be important that parents demonstrate confidence with the planed return to school. They learn essential social skills and how to interact with others, so encouragement is critical. You could also view handling the uncertainty and change   which was held by our Cork District Society recently. Teachers and school staff fully appreciate the apprehension and anxiety and want this transition back to school to work for everyone. They want to support students, ensure they are comfortable in school, and can continue to learn and move forward. By working together this can be achieved, with everyone playing their part.