• Current students
      • Student centre
        Enrol on a course/exam
        My enrolments
        Exam results
        Mock Exams 2020/21
        CAP1 essential documents
        CAP2 essential documents
        FAE essential documents
      • Course information
        Students FAQs
        Student induction
        Course enrolment information
        Key dates
        Book distribution
        Timetables
        FAE Elective Information
      • Exams
        Exam Info: CAP1
        E-assessment information
        Exam info: CAP2
        Exam info: FAE
        Reasonable accommodation and extenuating circumstances
        Timetables for exams & interim assessments
        Interim assessments past papers & E-Assessment mock solutions
        Main examination past papers
        Information and appeals scheme
        JIEB: NI Insolvency Qualification
      • CA Diary resources
        Mentors: Getting started on the CA Diary
        CA Diary for Flexible Route FAQs
      • Admission to membership
        Joining as a reciprocal member
        Conferring dates
        Admissions FAQs
      • Support & services
        Audit Qualification requirements
        Recruitment to and transferring of training contracts
        CASSI
        Student supports and wellbeing
        Learning Hub data privacy policy
    • Students

      View all the services available for students of the Institute

      Read More
  • Becoming a student
      • About Chartered Accountancy
        The Chartered difference
        What do Chartered Accountants do?
        5 Reasons to become a Chartered Accountant
        Student benefits
        School Bootcamp
        Chartered Connect
        Study in Northern Ireland
        Events
        Blogs
        Testimonials of Flexible route
      • Entry routes
        College
        Working
        Accounting Technicians
        School leavers
        Member of another body
        International student
        Flexible Route
        Training Contract
      • Course description
        CAP1
        CAP2
        FAE
        New education offering
      • Apply
        How to apply
        Exemptions guide
        Fees & payment options
        External students
      • Training vacancies
        Training vacancies search
        Training firms list
        Large training firms
        Milkround
        Training firms update details
        Recruitment to and transferring of training contract
        Interview preparation and advice
        The rewards on qualification
        Tailoring your CV for each application
        Securing a trainee Chartered Accountant role
      • Support & services
        Becoming a student FAQs
        Who to contact for employers
        Register for a school visit
    • Becoming a
      student

      Study with us

      Read More
  • Members
      • Members Hub
        My account
        Annual subscription fees
        Annual returns
        Application forms
        CPD/events
        Member services A-Z
        District societies
        Professional Standards
        Young Professionals
        Advocacy
        Careers development
      • In practice
        Going into practice
        Practice Matters
        Practice toolkits
        Members in practice committee
        Practice networks
        Helpsheets
        Compliance support
        Members' complaints adviser
        Free services
        Our approach
        Workshops and professional training with a difference
        Abhaile Scheme
        Practice News webinars
        GDPR resources for practices
      • Overseas members
        Working abroad
        Working in Australia
        Overseas members news
        Tax for returning Irish members
      • In business
        Networking and special interest groups
        Articles
      • Public sector
        Public sector news
        Public sector presentations
      • Support & services
        Letters of good standing form
        FAQs for Chartered Accountants
        AML confidential disclosure form
        CHARIOT/Institute Technical content
        TaxSource
        Pocket diaries
    • Members

      View member services

      Read More
  • Employers
      • Training organisations
        Authorise to train
        Training in business
        Course enrolment information for firms
        Manage my students
        Incentive Scheme
        Recruitment to and transferring of training contracts
        Securing and retaining the best talent
        Tips on writing a job specification
      • Training
        In-house training
        Training tickets
      • Recruitment services
        Hire a qualified Chartered Accountant
        Hire a trainee student
      • Non executive directors recruitment service
      • Support & services
        Hire members: log a job vacancy
        Firm/employers FAQs
        Training ticket FAQs
        Authorisations
        Hire a room
        Who to contact for employers
    • Employers

      Services to support your business

      Read More
☰
  • Find a firm
  • Jobs
  • Login
☰
  • Home
  • Knowledge centre
  • Professional development
  • About us
  • Shop
  • News
Search
View Cart 0 Item

News

  • Home/
  • News
☰
  • News
  • News archive
    • 2020
    • 2019
  • RSS feeds store
  • Press releases
    • 2020
    • 2019
    • 2018
    • 2021
  • Newsletters
  • Press contacts
  • Media downloads
  • Podcasts Chartered Accountants Ireland
  • Budget day news

Divorce and separation: Coping with emotions

Jul 09, 2019

Along with bereavement, moving home, losing your job and being affected by a major illness, divorce and separation are regularly cited as top causes of stress, depression and anxiety (for some people it may be the most stressful event they will ever experience). And no wonder. The end of a long-term relationship can make you doubt your own identity and your ability to cope alone. It can also bring up feelings from past relationship break-ups, which may put a serious dent in your self-esteem.

Most experts agree that people going through a break-up typically experience feelings of overwhelming sadness or grief, not just when their relationship ends but for some time to come too. Many also experience waves of other strong emotions such as anger, guilt, fear, worry and blame, plus – depending on the situation – feelings of relief or even exhilaration. And if you have children, their emotions are usually challenged too.

Relationship resilience

Working on your resilience can help if you're considering or going through a divorce or separation. That's because being resilient helps you to turn negative life events into positive ones. While nobody would ever suggest that going through a break-up could ever be easy, here are some things you could do that may help you while you're dealing with divorce or separation:

Seek divorce advice and information

Going through a separation or divorce can be particularly daunting if you're in the dark about what's going to happen. Get as much information about the process as you can, as it will help you to feel more in control of the situation. A good place to start is Citizens Information.

Reconnect with family and friends

We all have people we tend to rely on when life gets tough. These are the people who, no matter what, are always there for us when we need support.

If the trauma of recent events has made you feel isolated, try to reconnect with the individuals who make you feel better about yourself – especially friends and family members who have been through a break-up themselves and know what you're going through. Read more in How to keep in touch with friends. And when you feel the time is right, try getting out and about more and connecting with new people (if you're getting older, we have lots of tips in the article Making friends in later life).

Talking about your feelings can help you to cope with what you're going through. But if you prefer to confide in people you don't know, try those who are trained to listen, such as Samaritans.

Be kind to yourself

Take some time to do something that's purely for you, advise Relate experts. Think about what you enjoy such as a long walk, a soak in the bath, spending time on a hobby or other interest, reading a good book or watching your favourite film.

Also try to devote some time to thinking positively about yourself. Relate recommends writing down something nice about yourself before going to bed each night for a week. Then during the following week, write down 1 thing you did well that day. Also remember to eat as healthily as possible and get plenty of rest and sleep whenever you can.

Seek out the positives

The saying 'every cloud has a silver lining' may not seem appropriate when you're going through a divorce or separation – indeed, it may even sound offensive. But it really can help to try and find the positives among what may seem like an utterly negative situation.

These positives may not be obvious at first – or perhaps all the positives look like they apply to your ex-partner rather than yourself. But keep trying. Remember: if you choose to respond to your situation positively rather than negatively, it may help you to move on with your life sooner rather than later.

Manage your fears

In her book 'How to have a Healthy Divorce', Relate counsellor Paula Hall describes an activity to help people manage their fears and worries. Here's how the activity goes:

  1. Draw 4 columns – the headings for these columns should be 'Fears', 'Probability of it happening', 'My power to avoid' and 'Impact on my life'.
  2. Rate your fears from 1 - 10 in each column (1 being the least you worry about and 10 being the most).
  3. Step back and take a look at your chart. Then compare each fear and rate how likely each is to happen and the real impact each may have on you. Completing these steps may help you to rationalise your fears and to priorities, which will affect you most and which you can most easily control.

Get help for depression

Going through a divorce or separation is a grieving process. But sometimes this can lead to divorce depression. It's perfectly normal to feel depressed in such situations – at least for a while. But if you feel constantly low for more than 6 months and you experience other symptoms such as lack of energy, appetite changing, sleeping difficulties, lack of concentration or physical restlessness, it's a good idea to speak to your GP.

Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.

The latest news to your inbox

Useful links

  • Current students
  • Becoming a student
  • Knowledge centre
  • Shop
  • District societies

Get in touch

Dublin HQ

Chartered Accountants
House, 47-49 Pearse St,
Dublin 2, Ireland

TEL: +353 1 637 7200
Belfast HQ

The Linenhall
32-38 Linenhall Street, Belfast
Antrim BT2 8BG, United Kingdom.

TEL: +44 28 9043 5840

Connect with us

Something wrong?

Is the website not looking right / working right for you?
Browser support
CAW Footer Logo-min
GAA Footer Logo-min
CCAB-I Footer Logo-min

© Copyright Chartered Accountants Ireland 2020. All Rights Reserved.

☰
  • Terms & conditions
  • Privacy statement
  • Event privacy notice
  • Sitemap
LOADING...

Please wait while the page loads.