Difficult conversations arise in every facet of our lives whether it’s in romantic relationships, personal relationships with friends or family or within the workplace. Even the thought of these types of conversations can stir up a whole host of feelings and emotions with many experiencing anxiety, nervousness or stress. However, if you approach these discussions in the right way, there is no need to fear them.
Executive coach, corporate role player and actress, Jennifer O’Dea, provides unique insight on how to approach conversations that you would rather avoid. Her recent webinar centred on how best to protect and manage your emotional state when faced with such a daunting task. Here we outline Jennifer’s 5-point plan to successfully manage these challenging conversations and tackle the feelings they can evoke.
- Preparing Yourself
Taking a few moments to physically and emotionally prepare will only benefit your execution and the outcomes of the conversation.
Physically, you can prepare by removing the pent-up energy in your body by simply standing up, stretching, moving away from your desk and identifying tension in the body. Do not underestimate the powerful, restorative and calming effect your breath can have. Not only does deep, belly breathing help slow down your heart rate, reduce the physical signs of anxiety and nervousness but it can also prep your voice for more authoritative and confident speech.
Emotionally, check in with yourself before checking in with the other person! Are you prepared emotionally for this? Don’t dwell on the negative thoughts or feelings of dread, try to put yourself in a better frame of mind before engaging with the other person. Again, connect with your breath and focus on the task ahead.
Difficult conversations or potential conflict can be overwhelming, stressful and bring on a flurry of emotions. Remember, you cannot control the arrival of emotions, but you can control the behaviour associated with that emotion and choose how you respond.
- Planning
Plan for the conversation by mapping out how you will begin the conversation. What are you going to say? How are you going to say it? The opening of the conversation can be the most difficult and rehearsing those first few lines can instil confidence to start off on the right foot. Ask yourself what the objectives and motivations of the conversation are.
Without questions and inviting the other party to be involved in the conversation, it can quite frankly turn into a monologue. By asking question, you can find out what is going on with the other party and help open up the conversation. Be aware and mindful of the language you use in your questions so you can elicit a two-way conversation. Ask open ended questions or ‘Wh’ questions that require a full response to gain insight and information from the other person. Avoid asking multiple questions all at once.
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Using your Listening Skills
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While asking the right questions is key to facilitating the conversation, listening to the answers is equally important. Jennifer outlined 5 levels of listening;
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- Ignoring (tuning out)
- Pretending (not listening to what the other party is actually saying)
- Selective (listening for validation or waiting for the opportunity to talk again)
- Attentive (listening but also observing other ques such as body language)
- Empathetic (understanding their point of view).
For a frank and open conversation, attentive and empathetic listening is the healthiest and most mature listening skill to hone in on.
The perfect partner to powerful questioning and listening is silence. Be comfortable in the uncomfortable silence. By creating this pause it can encourage the other person to speak, make them feel heard and can diffuse the tension and tone of the conversation.
Again, to facilitate a two-way discussion silence can take the pressure off to always lead and point the conversation and can allow it to go in a different direction at the will of the other party.
And there you have - tips on managing difficult conversations!
To gain more in-depth insight into the topics mentioned above, you can access a recording of the webinar in full here.
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