Your wellbeing

Self-compassion is the ability to treat yourself with the same care and kindness as you would a good friend who was going through a difficult and stressful time. 'Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you're good enough, self-compassion asks what's good for you, what do you need?' Kristin Neff Showing compassion to others When we are compassionate to others, we have an intention to be with them through the difficulties they are experiencing and to alleviate their suffering and stress in some way. This can often be very different to the way we treat ourselves through the challenges of life. How often have we provided support for someone we care about and yet end up criticising ourselves endlessly for our various perceived inadequacies or shortcomings. Many of us have been taught to put others first. But neglecting ourselves in order to do this isn't an effective or sustainable long term strategy without considering what we need to keep emotionally well. Maintaining the inner capacity to be there for our family, friends and colleagues is reliant on looking after ourselves well. Self-compassion means you are understanding and kind to yourself when confronted with personal failings and mistakes – after all, whoever said you were supposed to be perfect? Why we need to be compassionate towards ourselves Feeling stressed and being hard on ourselves is very common, especially in a culture which is increasingly performance and target focused. Loneliness and isolation are also increasing in our ever digitally focused world. If you are finding it difficult to manage the many challenges, threats and distractions of our modern world, you are not alone. With current figures of one in four people developing a mental health difficulty in any given year and the rising levels of distress within young people, many people are struggling to align life with their deeper values and needs. A self-critical and unkind stance towards yourself when you are going through testing times will only serve to activate the fight or flight stress response, clouding the minds ability to remain calm. Some people may feel reluctant to develop self-compassion as they might feel the notion is self-indulgent or self-pitying. But developing the ability and strength to face and manage our difficulties, without isolating ourselves from others and becoming absorbed in our own pain is the essence of courageous living. Being able to attend to your own difficulties and challenges wisely will enable you to have the spare emotional capacity to engage with others and life in a more helpful way. According to Kristin Neff there are three key elements to compassion: Self-kindness An ability to relate to ourselves with warmth and kindness. Common humanity The appreciation that we all suffer at times and you are not alone in these feelings. Mindful awareness The ability to view our difficulties in a balanced perspective so that we can keep engaging in life. How to develop emotional resilience There has been much interest in the effects of developing compassion within ourselves from a scientific perspective. Research has shown that people who score high on self-compassion: Cope better with adversities Take more personal initiative and responsibility Are less fearful of making mistakes and being rejected Are more emotionally intelligent, happier and more optimistic Take better care of themselves physically and emotionally The good news is that our compassionate self can be developed and enhanced through training and practice so that we become more attuned to supporting ourselves through the difficulties of life rather than sabotaging ourselves and making situations more unmanageable than they need to be. How to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself Be aware of your internal voice Becoming aware of how we talk to ourselves, the tone of voice we use and language we use gives us the opportunity to move from harshness to supportive tendencies. Noticing the good Being able to notice and celebrate moments of the day and our good qualities is an essential part of managing and balancing difficult times. Each day ask yourself: When have I been at my best today for someone else? What has been my best moment of today? Give yourself encouragement It is more effective to become your own internal ally and support system rather than your own harshest critic. Written by: Kirsty Lilley Kirsty has delivered mindfulness and self-compassion courses to a wide variety of workplaces during her career and is also a trained psychotherapist and coach. She has worked at a strategic level within organisations developing wellbeing policies and been responsible for developing training courses on improving mental health and wellbeing. Kirsty is committed to an integrated and compassionate approach when helping others to fulfil their potential. Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.

Many of us will be planning our some all-important time off in the coming months. However, with the lines between work and home now blurred, it can be difficult to switch off completely and enjoy a few days of well-deserved rest. Switching off and taking some time out for relaxation is important for our health and wellbeing so we can recuperate and step back from the day-to-day responsibilities that preoccupy our mind. If you are struggling to switch off, here we share some simple and easy ways you can learn to relax, reset and appreciate a rest period guilt-free. Benefits of Downtime Downtime is an opportunity to take a proper break away from the stressors and pressures we experience, if you are still struggling to switch off think of the benefits some R&R will bring. Switching off is essential for your personal wellbeing and can prevent burnout. It will leave you happier, rejuvenated, and revitalised, ready to hit the ground running. Time out can even make us more productive and more focused. One American study found that employees are 40% more productive after time off. Out of Office Before heading off, delegate some of your usual duties and tasks to work colleagues. This might require a 1:1 handover or a quick email to the team. Mentally, a status update to colleagues can give a sense of closing out and a feeling of peace that your work is being looked after while away. Set up an appropriate Out of Office message with clear boundaries for your time off. We have all seen the generic OOO emails but sharing a meaningful piece of information, such as where you are going or how you will be spending your time off, can make that automatic reply feel more personable and a conversation starter for when you speak to that person next. Colleagues might even be inclined not to send you an email until you are back at your desk. Establish a point of contact that can field queries and respond to emails in your absence. Some email providers even offer an option to automatically forward emails to others. Literally Switch off and Unplug In this always-on culture, we carry the office around with us and many of us will have work on our phones. While removing it completely might not be possible, consider turning off push notifications for your apps and free yourself from distractions. With pings from teams, emails and other communications, there can be an urge to check on them as soon as they come in eating into your time off and delaying relaxation mode. If you have a designated work phone, turn it off and put it away or if that feels too much, simply turn on the do-not-disturb setting and set aside a few minutes at the start or end of the day to briefly browse through it. Our home space has turned into our workplace. If your work/study station is in a main part the house, if possible, hide away all related equipment for a few days.  The visual reminder of your to do list can make it difficult to completely relax and unwind. Live in the Moment Be present and make the most of your rest days - guilt free! Plan some activities you enjoy, this can help distract you from thinking about the responsibilities you may need time away from. It can also help keep those stress levels down. Before you know it, you will be back at it, so enjoy and appreciate the time you have off. If you are struggling to maintain good wellbeing, Thrive provides a holistic selection of services that can help you get back on track.  

Your mental wellbeing is about your thoughts and feelings and how you cope with the ups and downs of everyday life. It's not the same thing as mental health, although the two can influence each other. Long periods of low mental wellbeing can lead to the development of diagnosable mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression. If you're living with a mental health condition, you may experience low mental wellbeing more often, but there will also be long periods where you're able to maintain good mental wellbeing. What does good mental wellbeing look like? Importantly, good mental wellbeing is NOT the absence of negative thoughts and feelings. We all face difficult and challenging situations that cause us to feel angry, sad, overwhelmed and everything in-between. Instead, it's about being able to understand and manage those feelings, so that generally you're able to: feel confident in yourself build and maintain positive relationships have a sense of purpose live and work productively cope with the normal stresses of day-to-day life manage when things change What can affect your mental wellbeing? Our mental wellbeing is often affected by big life events that we have little or no control over such as bereavement, illness, or redundancy. In these situations, it's about how we respond - our behaviours and habits - that will determine the impact on our mental wellbeing. For example, do we tend to reach out for support or withdraw? Do we assume the worst or remain open to new opportunities? It's here that our level of resilience comes into play. Resilience is your ability to cope with change and adversity. By strengthening your resilience, you're better able to maintain good mental wellbeing through all of life's ups and downs. There are also factors that influence our mental wellbeing, which we can control. 1. Our relationships Strong connections with friends, family and colleagues help to strengthen our confidence and self-esteem. 2. Our physical health Through good nutrition and regular physical activity, we can boost our energy levels, improve our confidence, and relieve stress. Small changes make a big difference.  3. Our emotional health Practicing mindfulness can help you understand and manage strong emotions so that rather than feeling overwhelmed, you're able to approach difficult situations with a sense of calm and clarity. The big picture At CA Support, our vision is for all members of the chartered accountant community to live happy, healthy and fulfilled lives. The key to this is empowering you to take care of your own mental wellbeing. Because when you don't feel quite yourself, other areas of your life are affected too. Our services can help you balance all aspects of your wellbeing, so you can live the life you want to.  Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members and students.

October marks World Mental Health Month with World Mental Health Day taking place on Sunday October 10th. This year’s theme is Mental Health in an Unequal World which highlights how access to mental health services for those who need it remains unequal across the globe. At this time in the year, it can feel like we are entering a period of change and renewal with the return of the school year, seasons changing and this year people returning to the office after a lengthy period of working from home.  This is a chance to move towards the end of the year with a new sense of determination and success. Change is the one constant thing in our lives, we are surrounded by change - the weather changes several times in one day, but we adapt. However, some people embrace change and see opportunities to grow and learn and others dread it and find it very difficult to adapt. Changes which are outside our control and not expected are more difficult to accept e.g. dealing with unexpected illness, job loss, recession, or a major disaster. Some changes can be very positive and open opportunities to learn new things, develop new skills or qualities we didn’t know we had. As children we accept change easily, but as adults our brain and body block change and the chemistry of how our brain copes with change is very interesting. Here are some handy habit-forming tips that can help you adapt to change more effectively and minimise the feelings of anxiety that change can foster. Just remember that dealing with change is rarely instant, and that coping with or adapting to change can take time. See things differently Instead of dreading the changes in your life, try to see each as an opportunity to learn. If you can see change in a positive – rather than negative – light, it can boost your resilience and help you deal with it more positively too. This can be especially helpful at work, since having a negative attitude towards change could mean you'll be overlooked when new and interesting projects come along. These days work environments are changing at a faster pace than ever, so seeing change as something to grasp with both hands instead of something to fear and resist could bring many new opportunities. Meanwhile, instead of letting change creep up on you, try to be more proactive and look out for any changes that may be coming. Thinking ahead and planning can also make you feel that you have more control over what happens to you. Keep a record The next time you're faced with a major change, keeping a note of how you feel about it, as well as how you plan to deal with it, could be useful. Instead of burying your head in the sand and hoping everything will go back to normal, write about your feelings towards whatever is changing in your life. After you have recorded your feelings, decide what you want to achieve in respect to the change in question. Then write down your goals and how you plan to make them happen, including the skills you have that could help. Be really specific where your goals are concerned and think about how you can measure your success. Don't forget to set achievable goals and, where possible, set a clear timeframe for reaching them. Also try finding the benefits or opportunities that this change might bring and write them down too. If you have been affected by things such as bereavement, illness, redundancy or financial loss, this can obviously be difficult – but those who look hard enough can often find something to be positive about, no matter how small. Make a point of writing at least one benefit a day. Move on When change comes along that you can't control, don't let it get the better of you. Try to carry on with everything else in your life as normally as possible, as this itself can reinforce the ways in which your life isn't changing – which itself can be reassuring. Realise that there are some things you can do, and some things that you can't do, and instead of dwelling on any mistakes you may have made, put them behind you and move on. One way to keep your worries in perspective is to take a long-term view. For instance, how do you see the changes that are happening now affecting you in one, two or even six months? Remind yourself that change itself never lasts, and that things will become normal again at some point as the change becomes more familiar to you. Be a team player Helping others is a great way to gain experience and build resilience, so take every opportunity to make life easier for those around you who are experiencing changes. And when you find yourself affected by change, don't try to go it alone – know when to ask for help. Build a network of people who can support and guide you whenever you need them, and support and guide them when they need help too. For instance, if you are experiencing changes at work, talk to your colleagues and find out how they are coping. You could well find that you can help each other to manage any changes that are happening in the office more effectively. Look after yourself Change can be exhausting on an emotional – and often physical – level. So instead of battling through it, take time to recharge your batteries. This doesn't have to involve a complete break but could be something as simple as taking a walk in the fresh air to clear your head. Sometimes change can also mean less time to yourself – after having a promotion at work, for instance, when you may feel pressured into working longer hours. At times like these it's especially important to remember to eat healthily, to get some exercise and to relax as much as possible when you're not at work. Mental health issues are very prevalent in today’s society and research has found Ireland has one of the highest rates of mental health illness in Europe with 18.5% of the Irish population recorded as having a mental health illness. Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.

As we emerge from the pandemic, our focus once again turns to saving our planet. One way to encourage sustainability in organisations is through wellbeing challenges. Anna O’Flanagan explains how. How is your team doing right now? The teams I have spoken with recently seem to be worried about everything, from their own health to the overall wellbeing of our planet. This is all very normal for the times we are in. Many teams have set up fitness or health and wellbeing challenges, and these have proved highly successful in bonding the team while also promoting physical and mental health. What if there was a way to develop this team wellness theme further while also benefiting the environment? A team sustainability challenge that combines these complementary goals could fortify your team and give them a sense of empowerment because they are taking control of their mind, body and environment. Goal of sustainability Sustainability aims to promote an environment where nature and humans can exist in harmony, as set out in the UN Sustainable Development Goals. This focuses not only on the environment but also on poverty, health, education and housing (and more). Therefore, leaders should take the opportunity to bring the team together (online or in offices as they begin to open) to brainstorm ways to incorporate sustainable practices (personal and environmental) into their everyday lives as part of a challenge. Here are some task ideas: Plan and encourage employees to attend sustainability events and courses; Cycle to work or to run your errands. It addresses a possible fitness goal while keeping one less car on the road; Make a bird feeder for an outdoor space; Learn how to compost; Plan your meals to reduce food waste; Use a reusable coffee cup; Plant a tree in your garden; or Volunteer in your community. Once you agree on your priorities as a team, you can then assign points to each activity, give it some timelines, and off you go. Incentives and prizes are always good motivators, so ensure that they are valued by your employees while also maintaining the organisation’s sustainability goals. This type of challenge will not only give the team a sense of working towards a common purpose, it can also release them from the feeling of powerlessness in the face of climate change and COVID-19 and create sustainable practices in their personal and professional lives. And, it will transport them from their (ever-decreasing) spaces to feel part of something bigger, more communal, and that affects change. Anna O’Flanagan is the Founder of Red Squirrel.

During exam season, it can be a struggle to build and maintain momentum in the final weeks of preparation for the big exams. Stress levels can be at an all-time high and while some stress can help keep you motivated and focused, too much can be unhelpful. Here we look at tactics and strategies to help you focus your efforts and build study resilience in the weeks ahead. The Art of Distraction With a mammoth task like exam preparation, it can be easy to fall into the trap of procrastination – we’ve all been there!  However, the more you procrastinate the worse you feel and the greater your anxiety might become. The psychology profession outlines two types of procrastination – active and passive. Active procrastinators deliberately decide to procrastinate as they believe they work better under pressure. Whereas passive procrastination is seen as the more negative of the two where people are paralysed by indecision or lack of confidence causing them to wait until the last minute to do something, loading them with anxiety causing even further stress and inaction. Passive procrastination is usually a sign of something bigger – performance anxiety, fear of failure or simply to avoid negative feelings.  At its core, procrastination is about emotions, not productivity. Therefore, it is important to identify the reason why you are procrastinating and try to address it. There are ways to beat the procrastination bug if it’s really impacting your focus, here is where your study schedule and a reward system will come in handy. Blocking out chunks of time for study will help you concentrate on the task in hand. Don’t bite of more than you can chew either, quick burst of 30-40 minutes study might work best for you to help keep your focus.  Reward yourself after completing a task whether that’s a quick cup of tea and a treat, a scroll through your social media or half an hour of your favourite show. Tap into and regulate your emotions with mindfulness techniques, mediation or breathing exercises to better manage your feelings around studying and exams. Time Management Time management is key to exam success and helps you gain control. Use a day planner or a weekly schedule to help you determine your available time. Managing and mapping out your day can bring structure to your study without it feeling too overwhelming. However, be realistic with your schedule and don’t overload your day. For maximum efficiency, determine and prioritise the subjects you find most difficult and focus on them first. Certain subjects may also warrant more study time than others. Get to know your body clock, there may be times throughout the day or week where you feel more alert or sluggish than usual and use these times to your advantage. Track your progress and by the end of the week you will feel a sense of accomplishment with all the work you have done over the past few days, and it will help shape your schedule for the next week. Most importantly, schedule time for relaxing activities and exercise too - your body and mind will thank you for it! Studies have shown that exercise improves cognitive performance so consider it as part of the exam preparation. Meet up or chat with friends and family to help you reset and have time away from work and study for some fun. Think of the Bigger Picture! When caught up in the stress of study and exams, it can be hard to motivate yourself and gain perspective on why you are actually doing it. Studying to be a chartered accountant is challenging – the personal sacrifices you have made, the unattended social gatherings, the copious amounts of exams and years you have already put in etc. but if you look to your goals and the end game you can find the motivation to carry on. Think of why you decided to become an accountant in the first place, the career goals you want to achieve and where you want to be in a few years’ time. These exams are leading up to something bigger and are a means to achieving your goal. By keeping this in mind, it can help you attain the self-discipline and encouragement you might need when you feel your efforts and motivation begin to wane. Wishing you all the best for the weeks ahead. Happy Studying! If you need more advice on preparing for your exams, CA Support has a dedicated student hub to help you navigate student life. Alternatively, you can contact the CA Support wellbeing team in confidence on mobile: (353) 86 024 3294 or by email: CASupport@charteredaccountants.ie.

COVID 19 has altered our lives in many ways and is putting a huge strain on our mental health and wellbeing. It’s important that we can recognise and understand the signs that we are struggling in some way and do all we can to support ourselves and others. Early intervention is the key to stopping low mental wellbeing impacting the life we want and avoiding diagnosable mental health problems.  The grief and strain of the last year is certainly apparent and feelings of low mood are understandable. Many of us will also be experiencing high levels of anxiety due to the increasing uncertainty and relentless nature of the situation. Although these feelings are common and expected given what is happening in our world, it’s important to recognise if we are becoming depressed or anxious and when it might be time to seek professional help. What is depression? Whilst it’s important that we don’t diagnose ourselves or others, and recognise that each person experiences depression very differently, common signs of low mental wellbeing might include: Loss of interest in normal activities Social withdrawal A deep unshakable sadness Feelings of despair Loneliness Hopelessness Guilt Tearfulness Physical aches and pains Poor concentration Changes in appetite Loss of libido Anxiety also often overlaps with depression.  Depression is very common and anyone can experience these feelings, it doesn’t discriminate. Commonly, the two questions that are asked to assess whether a person is experiencing depression, to what extent and as part of an overall assessment are: ‘In the last two weeks how long have you been experiencing feeling down, depressed or hopeless?’ and    ‘In the last two weeks how long have you had little interest or pleasure in the things that you would normally enjoy?’  Depending on the answers, questions around feelings of guilt, appetite, feeling bad about yourself, worrying about letting others down and thoughts of self-harm would follow. Men can often externalise their feelings of depression and become irritable and angry, whilst women may internalise their feelings and become sad and withdrawn. However, it’s important not to stereotype, each person is unique and it’s about how much these feelings are impacting your ability to function and whether they are increasing and becoming increasingly painful and difficult to manage.  Whilst depression can sometimes have no observable trigger, it can develop as an understandable response to difficult circumstances. Stress can prolong and worsen experiences of depression but can also be a trigger. If you recognise some of the above symptoms in yourself aim to talk to friends and family first, try to increase behaviours that might help such as regular exercise and eating a healthy balanced diet, and decrease some of the coping mechanisms that are unhelpful such as drinking too much alcohol. Seek out talking treatments or support from your GP or think about contacting the team at CA Support who will be able to explore further options.  What is anxiety? As mentioned earlier, anxiety is often present when people feel depressed as the two conditions can overlap. Whilst it’s worth remembering that anxiety is an understandable response to overwhelming and uncertain situations, it also has a protective quality in terms of warning us that something is threatening. Anxiety is what we feel when we are worried, tense, or afraid – particularly about things that are about to happen, or which we think could happen in the future. Anxiety is a natural human response when we perceive that we are under threat and helps to mobilise all our resources to cope with that threat. It can be experienced through our thoughts, feelings and physical sensations. Whilst anxiety can often leave us feeling tense and irritable, angry, and frustrated, physical symptoms such as a churning stomach, racing heart rate and breathlessness are also very common. Other symptoms of anxiety include pins and needles, feeling restless or unable to sit still, reduced ability to focus and concentrate, sweating or hot flushes and nausea. Most people feel anxious at times and it's particularly common to experience some anxiety while coping with stressful events or changes, especially if they could have a big impact on your life. Loneliness and isolation can also cause feelings of anxiety and low mood so it’s important to keep connected with those you love as much as possible, especially during this time. Sharing how you feel will lessen the burden and may encourage others to speak up.  Anxiety can become a mental health problem if it impacts on your ability to live your life as fully as you want to. For example, it may be a problem for you if: Your feelings of anxiety are very strong or last for a long time Your fears or worries are out of proportion to the situation You avoid situations that might cause you to feel anxious Your worries feel very distressing or are hard to control You regularly experience symptoms of anxiety, which could include panic attacks  You find it hard to go about your everyday life or do things you enjoy As with any concerns about your mental health and wellbeing it’s important to talk through your concerns with family and friends and seek out professional help and support if needed. It’s also important to do what you can to help yourself. Written by: Kirsty Lilley (psychotherapist and coach). Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.

Many of us have been living under a number of restrictions due to the pandemic. The transition back to a more familiar way of doing things is likely to take some time. As we navigate a way forward, we may begin to discover the complexity and enormity of the task that lies ahead as we begin to negotiate a new world and time. In the space of just over a year, the world as we knew it changed almost completely. Most of the important and meaningful areas of our lives were turned upside down. Though we will all have been affected in some way, we have all been on a very different personal journey. And as we enter the next period of transition and adjustment, it’s important that we support ourselves and each other. Emotional self-care is vital to help us navigate the challenges and opportunities ahead. And we have to start by accepting that we are likely to experience a wide range of emotions. How are you feeling? All of us began this journey in very different circumstances and with varying resources, capacities and levels of wellbeing. So, it’s no surprise that we will each be experiencing a wide range of different emotions as we continue to process how our lives have changed. Whatever our experience, it’s understandable and normal to feel overwhelmed by both pleasant and unpleasant emotions. How we respond to and manage those emotions will determine the impact on our health and wellbeing and our ability to manage this transition process and period of change. Many of us may feel understandably anxious about the ongoing threat to our health and that of our loved ones. There will also be those who feel anxious about the easing of some lockdown restrictions because they would simply rather stay at home, having found their lives enriched in some way; more time with children, avoidance of the long and busy commute to work and a return to a slower pace of life. Others may have experienced the difficulty of social isolation and loneliness and may be feeling overwhelmed at the thought of facing further restrictions in these winter months. There will also be understandable sadness and grief as we try to comprehend the many different types of loss we’ve experienced and will continue to experience during this time. Some will have lost loved ones directly to Covid-19. Others are coming to terms with the loss of livelihoods, financial security and hopes and aspirations for the future. There will be ongoing financial challenges and the operating environment within the workplace is likely to be complex and challenging for some time to come.  In addition, many of us will have experienced anger and frustration at the seemingly inconsistent and complicated messages we have received from authorities and other institutions in which we have placed our trust to help us navigate these times. Of course, interspersed with the many difficulties we’ve faced, there have been precious and joyous moments which we might treasure. Many people have reconnected with family and friends and been reminded of the importance of loving and supportive relationships. We may have discovered things about ourselves that we never thought possible; new levels of flexibility, resourcefulness, resilience and compassion. You may have even had the chance to explore a new skill or hobby. These positive changes often give rise to feelings of love, joy and happiness, a new sense of direction and hope. Even amidst the challenges we all face.  It’s complicated Whatever our individual situation, our emotional response is likely to be complex, ever-changing and non-linear. And to top it all, we also tend to have feelings about our feelings. For example, perhaps you’ve felt guilty about feelings of happiness when others are suffering, or frustration about our increasing levels of anxiety and the effects it has on us and those around us. One thing is certain. The situation is complex. We have no frame of reference and no clear-cut road map ahead of us. We are all trying to do the best we can in very challenging circumstances.  Through all of this it’s important to remember that your emotions are valid, understandable, normal responses to a very abnormal situation. It can also help to keep in mind that although they can sometimes be distressing and difficult to manage, our emotions are trying to protect us and give us valuable information to navigate and understand the world. They help us assess situations and make decisions, and they add colour and texture to our experience. However, as they get increasingly intense, our emotions can begin to cloud our ability to access our rational brain and make wise and discerning choices. Left unchecked they may prompt us to behave in ways that are unhelpful to us and those around us. Intense emotions can also have a significant impact on our ability to learn effectively, develop healthy and reciprocal relationships, remain physically healthy and be creative or innovative. It’s therefore vital that we learn and develop skills to manage emotions in a way that’s helpful; understanding how to work with them instead of resisting emotional experiences or blocking them out altogether. Unfelt and unprocessed emotions don’t just simply go away. Instead they reside in the body causing us pain and discomfort.  So how can we learn to manage our emotions? Instead of letting them have power over us, can we learn to regulate our emotions so that we can make wise and kind choices about what we do next? The answer is yes.  The RULER technique Dr Mark Brackett, Director for the Yale Centre for Emotional Intelligence, has dedicated his life to studying emotions and sharing what he has learned. His RULER technique, outlined below, can help you learn how to manage your emotions effectively and safely.  Remember that emotional management is a skill that can be developed and learned over time, but like all skills, it takes practice and commitment.  Recognise - Learn to recognise and identify what you are feeling. Notice how a feeling manifests itself in your body. What physical cues tell you that you might be starting to experience anxiety, anger or frustration? How do your thoughts change? What behaviours do you notice yourself adopting when this feeling arises? Understand - What are the causes and consequences of a specific emotion for you? See if you can identify what triggers certain emotions. Keeping a mood journal for a couple of weeks may help you identify the particular circumstances that cause you to feel a certain way, whether they be external events or an internal trigger such as hunger, lack of sleep, changing hormone levels or lack of physical activity. Ask yourself what you typically do when these emotions arise and whether this behaviour is helpful or not to you or those around you. Our actions have consequences and it’s helpful to remind yourself of any benefits and gains to changing and modifying your behaviours to keep you motivated.  Label - Build an emotional language Labelling will help you differentiate and describe the full range of human emotions that you might be experiencing. This will make it easier to express your feelings and better understand the messages they’re conveying.  For example, anger is often about dealing with perceived injustice. Sadness is usually an acknowledgement that we have suffered a loss of some kind. Disappointment can stem from unmet expectations. Once you’ve recognised an emotion and its meaning, labelling it can help you distance yourself from it. You might even say something like, ‘here is anxiety’, ‘there is some anxiety around at the moment’ or ‘I am experiencing some anxiety at the moment’. This conscious action will buy you some time—a pause in which you can reflect before you act upon what you’re feeling and decide whether that action is wise or helpful.  Express - Externalise your feelings Talk through your feelings with someone that you trust. Or if you prefer, keep a journal or try to find a creative outlet. Having a safe sounding board or space to share and express your hopes, fears and thoughts can give you perspective and a chance to reflect and learn.  Regulate - Put helpful behaviours into practice Identify the story you’re telling yourself and ask whether it’s helpful or true. Recognise the behaviours which influence whether you feel more or less of an emotion and adjust your actions accordingly. Practice skills which help you regulate what you’re feeling such as meditation, yoga, physical exercise, breathing exercises and guided visualisations. Regulating your emotions gives you time and space to make decisions and respond to situations in a healthy, positive way.   Remember, developing these skills is a life-long process and we are all on different stages of the journey. But you’re not alone. Whether it’s sharing with your friends and family or talking with a professional counsellor, reach out for the help and support of others if you are feeling overwhelmed and your emotions are beginning to become unmanageable. Let’s face what’s next together. Written by: Kirsty Lilley (psychotherapist and coach). Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.

We are in unpredictable times and 2020 taught us to cherish what we have, particularly family and friends, take nothing for granted and look after our physical and mental health. Certainly, getting a fresh start in 2021 is really appealing and creating some new year resolutions or goals means we start off on the right foot.  New habits and behaviours can be challenging they don’t happen overnight and can take commitment and dedication.  The brain does not like swift, abrupt change, but benefits can be very worthwhile, so think of this as an investment in yourself. The top ten resolutions each year include: Exercise more Lose weight Get organized Learn a new skill or hobby  Live life to the fullest Save more money / spend less money Quit smoking Spend more time with family and friends Travel more Read more Most of us can relate to some or all the resolutions listed. Resolutions and goals are unique to each of us, so perhaps before you create them consider the questions below: How would you like to feel? Will the resolution help you get there? Would you recommend this resolution to a friend of colleague? How will the resolution impact you? Are you removing something and simply making a change? What is the improvement you want to make and why? When it comes to new year resolutions almost half of us are unsuccessful at fulfilling them, so perhaps we need to consider how we approach them? Below are some tips which may help to keep you on track and ensure success in 2021 Be mindful When embarking on changing a habit or behaviour it is important to prepare mentally by taking a step back and taking stock. When thinking about any change try to keep in mind: Change should be gradual Build on smaller changes Remain positive Accept that there could be setbacks and allow for them Own them Ensure the goals you have set are yours and that this is something you want and not something which you think you should be aiming for. You have a far better chance for success if you are intrinsically motivated to reach your goal Be realistic Do not create a long list, limit the number of resolutions you commit to. Be selective about the ones which mean the most and are the most attainable for you.  Be specific It’s easy to set goals which we cannot achieve, so take some time to ensure they are achievable. A good suggestion is to use SMART to help you create them: Specific - What do you want to achieve, break it down be specific Measurable - How can you measure if you have achieved it e.g., walk a mile in 20 minutes or lose 10% of your weight Attainable – Is the goal or resolution attainable e.g., this is not a good year to include world travel, but it might a good year to travel your corner of the world Relevant - Keep it relevant to you, your life and how you want to improve it Timeline – Give yourself an appropriate deadline to work towards Small wins Break them up into small pieces.  As you tick off each box, your confidence will grow with each small success and spur you on. Share them By keeping the resolution to yourself you can fall into a trap and give up at the first hurdle. By sharing these with others you become accountable and less likely to forget or give in. You could also find that by sharing, other like-minded people may join you. Keep going Setbacks happen, but it is how you handle them that counts. Own the setback, understand how and why it happened and move on. Remember “the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” Lao Tzu.

We continue to provide a number of supports to those in our community who have been unduly affected by the pandemic and other personal challenges.  More members and students than ever have required financial assistance.  Some have lost their jobs and their livelihoods, others are dealing with a bereavement or a chronically ill family member, while others have been unable to work because of severe mental or physical health challenges.  Whatever their circumstances, or their individual needs, we are determined to help each and every one of them.  We aim to provide practical support so they can get back on their feet with their dignity intact.  Donations to this valuable service are the life blood of our work and your gift could change a life. Below is a snapshot of some of the people who have benefited from your generosity and our assistance: William is a Chartered Accountant who lost his business, his home and suffered with depression. CA Support helped him throughout these difficult times. Read his story from Boardroom to Hostel. "Feeling compelled to ask for assistance has been a humbling experience but the response of CA Support has confirmed my faith in the profession I have been a member of for over 30 years." A member with a long-term illness with two children in education In this short video Karen speaks about the assistance and support she received from CA Support when her daughter Niamh was diagnosed with a brain tumour and difference it made to their lives. A family in crisis "I have gone back to work part-time. At long last I have my life in order. I wish to thank CA Support for their help and kindness over the last few years.” Woman separated from her husband "Your support has been an answer to a prayer. We are more grateful than words can easily express. I have struggled with the black dog a lot and every time I think I have got my feet back under me, another wave seems to hit” Member who suffered with depression Unsurprisingly, during the COVID crisis, we have seen a significant uplift in the numbers of students and members reaching out for help. From recent research conducted by Laya Healthcare, the is a major gap in the numbers needing mental health support (90% of respondents) versus those who actively engage with support services (10%).  We know our community of accountants is no different. We are working hard to reach all those in need.  There is now a real imperative to come together to provide this support and ensure that no-one is left behind. To continue to provide ongoing support to those in need, we urgently require your help.  Donations big and small could help to change the life. See more about how CA Support can help you and those in need in our community. Please give what you can.

Our lives have changed a lot since March. The constant newsfeed draws our focus back to restrictions or bad news, making it difficult to see any positive outcomes, but there are many new behaviours we have developed that we don’t want to give up.   What are the lockdown habits you developed in the last few months? Maybe you tried and kept some of these:  Enjoying an early morning walk Having breakfast with your kids Exploring, and appreciating, your local area Getting out in nature every day Embracing online learning Tackling that big DIY project and much-avoided clear-out Developing new gardening skills Learning to cook or bake Starting to play an instrument Binged on box sets Caught up with friends on Zoom As new agile and flexible working arrangements will be key benefits for most people, but what smaller changes made to your day-to-day life are now non-negotiable? Are there any healthy habits you would like to keep? Family meals There was nowhere to rush off to, so families got to enjoy meals together again. This was certainly a novelty for anyone with teenagers at home or if a parent had a long commute. Sitting together as a family to enjoy a meal became the norm, so holding onto this habit would be beneficial for everyone. Community As movements were restricted initially people explored their local community a bit more. No commute meant we saw neighbours we had not seen in a long time. There are many heart-warming stories of people helping each other within a community setting. This sense of community had been lost in the hustle and bustle of daily life and has found a welcome return and hopefully, we will keep and cherish it. Activity/Health Some people binge-watched box sets, and some binge walked and did daily workouts online. Daily walks became very popular and we enjoyed nature again. Being active and having a healthy heart is always good, so hopefully, we will be able to carry these activities into the future. Self-care The last few months have been a time of anxiety and stress, particularly if you have a vulnerable person in the family. To manage stress and anxiety many people took us meditation or yoga. Both are healthy skills with many benefits, so are always good to have and maintain. Appreciation Above all else, the crisis has taught us appreciation. To take time to consider our surroundings, our family, friends, and appreciate all that is good in our lives. It has allowed us to reflect and consider changing things which were not so good for us.    By showing appreciation and reflecting we are more aware and conscious that others may need help or support, and this is the best habit we could take forward and keep.

We all like to feel valued at work and know that what we are doing matters. Showing appreciation is a great way to convey this to others. Often, people will be unaware of how to best express appreciation to their colleagues. Charlotte Keating provides some simple ways of how you can enhance your connection with the team, even when you can’t physically be in the office. Stephen Covey said in his bestseller, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival; to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, to be appreciated.”   Sometimes, a simple ‘thank you’ is not enough.   It’s good to be aware that we all have different ways of receiving appreciation. What makes one member of the team feel appreciated may not necessarily make another feel valued in the same way. According to research by Dr Gary Chapman and Dr Paul White in their book The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, we all have a primary language of appreciation. Even though we can accept appreciation in other ways, we will not feel fully valued at work unless it is communicated in our primary language. This means that the intended message may get lost in translation and not have the result the sender anticipated.   The five languages of appreciation Knowledge of these five languages can make you aware of your own appreciation preference while also helping you advise which methods of appreciation your colleagues may respond to best.   1. Words of affirmation This is verbal praise which makes others feel validated. It is the most common primary language of appreciation in the workplace.   Ways to express words of affirmation to a colleague   Sometimes, a quick “thank you” in person or by email is sufficient; however, it’s best to be specific and to use the person’s name, e.g.: “Sarah, I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you being such an organised person. It’s been especially helpful during this crisis knowing that there is a structure in place.”  It’s worth remembering that some prefer to be acknowledged in private (in person or via a call/email or a handwritten card), while others like public praise (which could be done from a distance though cc’ing relevant individuals or thanking them on a group video call). 2. Quality time Here you are spending time with your colleagues and giving them your undivided attention – even just a few minutes during the day to discuss their progress on a project, allow them to vent frustrations or seek advice.  It is possible to spend quality time remotely – and it is important for one's mental health to do so when physically working away from others. How to spend quality time with a colleague   Schedule a video call with them, even if it is just to have a quick, non-work related chat to catch-up. Avoid distractions during the call.  Keep all of the team appraised of relevant matters, particularly when the casual interactions of a shared work environment are not possible.  Organise a video quiz with the team, or online after-work drinks  Using the “breakout room” function provided by some video conferencing platforms like Zoom is a great way to split up a larger group, making it easier to have more manageable conversations that everyone can participate in. Have a virtual check-in during the day, just as you might stop by their desk to say a quick hello. 3. Acts of service While we all have our own roles and tasks to complete, working collaboratively and helping out colleagues is a great way to show that we value them.   How you can show appreciation by helping out a colleague   One of the main requests in an office is for support with technology, and you may still be able to provide remote assistance to colleagues having technical issues, e.g. helping with video call accessibility. Simply ask, “is there anything I can help with?” and reassure them that you can spare the time if you have it. Clarify what area they need help in and how to go about the task before starting it. Schedule calls at a time of day that works best for them. 4. Tangible gifts Give a thoughtful gift to a colleague. The material value is not important, only the thought that goes into the gift. How to give gifts to show appreciation  Personalise it – gift them a voucher for their favourite restaurant. Keep it simple – arrange for nice coffee beans to be delivered to their door or, if you’re in the office, drop a cup of coffee to their desk. Send a “certificate of appreciation” via email or post. There are various templates available online. 5. Physical touch This relates to appropriate, professional physical contact. Personal boundaries are incredibly important here. Naturally, this is the least common language of appreciation in the workplace.   Ways to use physical touch to show appreciation   A firm handshake, a high-five to celebrate a win or an appropriate hug. It is clearly impossible to handshake when social distancing. Virtual high-fives through screens or using appropriate emojis can get the same message of respect, appreciation, support and encouragement across to team members.  Determining your colleagues’ appreciation language Before you move forward with applying any of these appreciation languages, you should figure out a colleague’s preference first.   Observe how they show appreciation to others. Often how a person expresses appreciation reflects their preferred way of receiving it; and Listen to their main concerns, complaints and requests, which can provide clues as to what feedback or assistance they require.  Contributing to others’ wellbeing Anyone can make a positive contribution to the team through expressing appreciation, no matter what their role is. While it’s great to get encouraging feedback from a supervisor, peer support is so important, now more than ever, to keep motivation levels up. It’s not just about recognising results, it’s about recognising people and what we value about them.    Feeling genuinely appreciated boosts morale and well-being. It’s not our job to make others happy, but it’s important to remember that when we show regular, authentic appreciation, it raises not only the self-esteem of others but also our own.   Charlotte Keating FCA is a qualified life and business coach and founder of Act On It Coaching.