Harnessing the power of language for career success

Jean Evans explores how the language women use at work can adversely affect their career prospects and how they can change it

The way women use language can sometimes be perceived as undermining their confidence. It’s something women have been conditioned to do and it’s a part of how they communicate.

No matter how expert, qualified or senior a woman is in the workplace, the consequences are the same. They are often unaware of the negative impact using self-defeating language can have on their career progression and professional life.

Confidence and how women (and men) are perceived is often subliminal and imperceptible. Confident people get promotions, access to projects, support, financing and so much more.

So, what happens when a woman is not confident at work? What happens when she undermines herself consistently without even realising it? What happens when her choice of words expresses a lack of self-belief or imposter complex?

The result is that she may be turned down for a new job, passed over for a promotion, not given access to projects, or financial support ... the list goes on.

Several factors can contribute to this perception:

1. Hedging: Women tend to use more hedging language or qualifiers in their speech, such as “I think”, “maybe” or “sort of” to soften their statements or appear less assertive. This can create an impression of uncertainty or lack of confidence along with a need for validation from others.
2. Apologising: Women often apologise more frequently than men, even when it may not be necessary. Apologising unnecessarily can give the impression that a woman lacks confidence in her opinions or actions.
3. Politeness: Women are often socialised to be more polite and accommodating in their speech. While politeness is generally valued, it can sometimes be perceived as a lack of assertiveness or confidence.
4. Upward inflection: Women sometimes use upward inflection, or ‘uptalk’, at the end of their sentences, making statements sound like questions. This can make them seem as if they are doubting themselves and seeking outward validation.
5. Minimising achievements: Women often downplay their accomplishments or use self-deprecating humour to avoid appearing boastful. While this may be a way to navigate social norms, it can also inadvertently undermine their perceived confidence in their achievements.
6. Minimising the intrusion: This often shows up as “I’m just ...” The word ‘just’ is heavily tied to point 2 in this list – apologising for intruding on someone by email, phone, etc.

It’s important to note that these linguistic behaviours are not inherently indicative of a lack of confidence. No matter how expert she may be in her field, any woman may still fall into these linguistics patterns. They can be influenced by societal expectations and unconscious bias. But the fact is that every time this undermining language is used, women lose out.

What’s the antidote?

Firstly, it’s about women becoming aware of how they speak and write.

My advice is that, if you can engage a coach or have a trusted bestie, mention this to them and ask them to highlight any linguistic tendencies that may not be serving you. After a few goes, you will become aware of when you’re doing it and then you can start redefining your speaking habits to back up just how confident and able you actually are.

I had a coaching client recently who used the word ‘just’ a lot. I asked her to reread her emails before sending them and to catch herself whenever this word popped up. She texted me back the very next day to say her confidence had shot up exponentially because of this seemingly minor change. She hadn’t even noticed until then how she had been apologising for almost everything! And that was her first step towards a really positive change.

Jean Evans is Networking Architect at NetworkMe