According to a Forbes article, 69% of people said their manager impacts their mental health more than their therapist or doctor—and it’s equal to that of their partner. Further research from Gallup identifies management style as the second leading cause of work-related stress absence. If you’re struggling with a difficult manager, it's important to understand how to effectively navigate the situation.
Understand what’s driving their behaviour
Managers can act difficult for a variety of reasons, many of which may have nothing to do with you. They may be stressed, lack proper training, have challenging personality traits or may have other personal issues. Recognising this can help you avoid taking their behaviour personally and cultivate empathy. While constructive feedback and direction are a normal part of any job, if your manager is delivering this in a harsh or unhelpful manner, it is more likely a reflection of their internal struggles or skill gaps than your performance.
Regulate your own emotions and behaviour
Dealing with a difficult manager can be incredibly stressful, often taking a toll on your self-esteem. It’s important to prioritise self-care and process these difficult emotions. Techniques such as breathwork, meditation, journaling, practicing self-compassion and grounding exercises can help you stay calm and avoid reacting impulsively to their behaviour. It is also important to reflect on your own actions—are there any behaviours or responses on your part that might be contributing to the tension? Being self-aware can help you navigate the situation more effectively.
Communicate your concerns
It is important to remember that no one is a mind reader. Although we might expect our manager to know what to do or not do, it is crucial to communicate your concerns openly and professionally, rather than letting frustrations build up. While preparing for this conversation:
- Provide specific examples of the issues you are facing rather than vague complaints.
- Focus on the behaviour rather than making it personal. Avoid placing blame or statements like ‘you’re too critical’ and instead use ‘I’ statements such as ‘I noticed that I received a lot of detailed feedback on my last three reports.’
- Be clear on the impact it is having on your work and your mental health, for example, ‘It’s making it difficult for me to feel confident in my work, and it’s starting to affect my motivation and self-esteem.’
- Offer solutions to improve the situation rather than just pointing out problems for example, ‘Could we balance detailed feedback with what’s working well, so I can improve more effectively?.’
- Ask for feedback and be open to hearing their perspective on the situation, for example, ‘I’d like to get your perspective on the situation and how we can improve it going forward.’
Seek Support
A problem shared is a problem halved. When dealing with a difficult manager, it is vital to have a support network. Trying opening up to a trusted family member, friend or colleague that can listen or give you impartial advice. If your entire team are struggling with the same issue, consider discussing the issue collectively. Having addressed the issue with your manager without seeing any progress, it may be time to escalate the situation to their manager or HR, either informally or through formal channels. If you’ve exhausted all options and you are still struggling, it may be worth considering whether the role or team is the right fit for you in the long term, or if exploring new opportunities could offer a better environment.
Written by Gillian Bane on behalf of Thrive.
If you are struggling with the impacts of work-related issues, Thrive is here to help. Thrive is the Institute's dedicated wellbeing hub that offers free wellbeing support to members and students. Contact the team by email at: thrive@charteredaccountants.ie or by phone: (+353) 86 0243294.
Gillian Bane is a chartered accountant and workplace health and wellbeing consultant who specialises in manager and leadership training. You can find more information on her website www.wellwork360.com.
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