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The term emotional intelligence is something we hear a lot of these days and has become a buzzword of sorts in the wellness space. However, it is a critical skill and its importance on our wellbeing, work performance and interpersonal relationships shouldn't be underestimated. Emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to identify and regulate one's emotions and understand the emotions of others. Here, we look at emotional intelligence, its impacts, and how to develop and improve it. Characteristics of emotional intelligence Essentially, emotional intelligence is being aware of our emotions, how they drive behaviour and impact ourselves and others (negatively and positively). Some experts even believe that it is more important in determining life success than IQ. There are certain traits and key signs associated with emotional intelligence. Some include: An ability to identify and describe how you and other people are feeling Self-confidence and acceptance Being able to accept and let go of mistakes and move on quickly Acceptance and embracing of change Feelings of empathy and concern for others Being sensitive and astute to others’ feelings and emotions Being able to manage emotions in difficult situations or within conflict The 5 elements of emotional intelligence According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, who popularised the concept, there are five components to emotional intelligence. Self-awareness Self-awareness is considered the core foundation of emotional intelligence. Strong self-awareness is recognising and understanding your emotions, knowing why you are feeling a certain way and acknowledging their impact on you and others. It is also about knowing your strengths and weaknesses, what your values are and having a strong moral compass. Self-awareness is a key skill in managing our wellbeing too, it helps with decision-making and helps you instinctively make the right choices for you. Conversely, it is suggested those with lower EI exhibit uncontrolled and misunderstood emotions which can heighten their susceptibility to a host of mental health concerns such as stress, anxiety, and depression. Self-regulation Once you have an awareness over your emotions, the next step is being able to manage and regulate your emotions – particularly the negative ones. This is not to be misconstrued as bottling up or hiding your true feelings. Self-regulation is about expressing yourself appropriately. It is one’s ability not to act impulsively or hastily based on emotions, steady self-regulation allows us to reduce how intense our emotions and reactions are. Motivation The next element is the ability to motivate, not only yourself but others too. Motivation is the drive to improve ourselves, set standards and expectations for ourselves and our desire to achieve. This type of motivation goes beyond external rewards though, it is based on a desire to fulfill inner needs and goals. In a work setting, those who are highly motivated tend to be action-oriented, always looking for ways to do things betters, are very committed, and like to take the initiative. Empathy Being empathetic is another key foundation of good emotional intelligence. An important interpersonal skill, empathy is having an understanding of others’ thoughts, feelings and emotions and respecting their point of view. Empathy for others can help foster stronger relationships and is especially vital in the workplace as it is integral to understanding workplace dynamics, influences and how different situations can be interpreted. It can also guide the interactions we have with different people we encounter daily. Social Skills The final element in the emotional intelligence concept is social skills, which is the ability to properly manage others’ emotions, and the ability to connect, interact, influence and work with a range of people effectively. Having strong social skills allows people to build strong and meaningful relationships. In work settings, people can benefit from effective social skills as it allows us to develop strong rapport and trust. In emotional intelligence, social skills include active listening, verbal communication skill, non-verbal communication skills, leadership and persuasiveness. Take a look at our Communicating with impact webinar to learn more about building these key communication skills. Developing our emotional intelligence Emotional intelligence infiltrates all aspects of our lives and is essential for understanding ourselves as well as how successful we are in navigating our social world. Research has found being emotionally intelligent is associated with professional success, financial security, fulfilling and meaningful relationships, increased life satisfaction as well as better overall physical and mental health. While some tend to be more naturally adept, the good news is that these skills can be learned, developed, and strengthen over time. Here are some ways you can strengthen your emotional intelligence. Know yourself – Practice and develop your own self-awareness by becoming more in tune with your emotions and your emotional reactions and responses. Knowing what and how you are feeling can help you identify and process your emotions and strengthen your ability to communicate them in a healthy way. To strengthen your awareness, make a note of when you are experiencing strong feelings, what made you feel that way, and if there were any adverse reactions to those feelings. Communicate and listen – Strong communication skills are essential for developing emotional intelligence and crucial for building strong relationships. Work on communicating openly and be willing to share your own feelings. People communicate verbally and non-verbally, so it is helpful to actively listen and observe reactions.  Active listening involves listening with all senses and paying full attention to the speaker. To develop this skill try nodding along, asking questions or repeating points they have made to show you are listening and understand what the speaker is saying. Empathy – Be mindful of how others may be feeling. While you may not feel that way or have a differing stance in a situation, being empathic means you can imagine yourself in someone else’s position and can acknowledge how and why they may be feeling a certain way. To build empathy, take the other person’s feelings into consideration in a way that is respectful and comforting to the other person. The Thrive Wellbeing Hub provides free practical and emotional support to members, students and family members. We offer a confidential space for you to talk, whether you need a listening ear, wellbeing advice or professional counselling, we are here for you. You can contact the thrive wellbeing team by email at: thrive@charteredaccountants.ie or by phone: (+353) 86 0243294

There are many reasons why our confidence can falter. Dawn Leane explains how we can overcome our self-doubt and silence our inner critic so we can achieve our goals In the workplace, being confident means feeling self-assured and believing we are capable of achieving our objectives. We often think that confidence is intrinsic; we either have it, or we don’t. In fact, our relationship with confidence is more likely to be influenced by our conditioning, life experiences and environmental factors. Handling feedback Confidence is one of those words that often triggers an emotional response in us, particularly if we struggle with it. We’ve all had an experience where we make a proposal or suggestion and have it critiqued. If we work in a psychologically safe environment, we take feedback from colleagues and leaders at face value. We appreciate the input and guidance and trust that the motivation is to help us refine and improve the idea. However, if the environment is not psychologically safe, we are much more likely to receive such feedback negatively. Perhaps we perceive it as criticism, a chance to settle a score or ‘mark our card’. This is especially true when our work is deeply personal and connected to our values and sense of self. In this situation, it can be hard to avoid internalising or personalising feedback—and when we do, it has the potential to erode our confidence. Limiting beliefs While our environment is hugely significant in determining our level of self-assurance, we are also influenced by our own limiting beliefs. A limiting belief is a state of mind or belief we think to be true, but one which will limit our potential. A limiting belief could be about you, your relationships with other people, or with the work environment. Self-limiting beliefs have the greatest potential to negatively impact our ability to achieve our full potential and are usually developed in response to our experiences, and because we are shaped by these limiting beliefs, we then go on to adopt behaviours that reinforce them. While many of our beliefs are formed as we grow up, we can develop new ones as we grow. Our inner critic Everyone has a voice in their head that reinforces their worst fears – an inner critic. The voice may be a whisper, or it may be so loud that it paralyses us. The voice holds us back from trying new experiences and rubs failure in our faces. It is possible to let go of limiting beliefs and tune out the inner critic, however. People can develop new ways of thinking and behaving that can help to create a positive narrative for themselves. To help silence your inner critic and build your confidence, there are several steps you can take: Identify any self-limiting beliefs and the behaviours that have resulted from them; Consider where these beliefs might have come from; Reflect on instances where these beliefs have been shown to be incorrect; and Decide on new behaviours to replace the limiting beliefs, then practice and reinforce them After acknowledging a self-limiting belief when it occurs, learn to replace it with something else. Carol Dweck, Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, has a simple but effective solution: add the word ‘yet’ to any limiting belief. For example: ‘I don’t have much experience at public speaking… yet.’ By adding ‘yet’, it allows you to acknowledge your shortfalls while also identifying that you are actively working on correcting it. Finding confidence Being a self-assured person without doubt is a lofty goal and probably not a realistic one. Acknowledging your limiting beliefs and working on silencing your inner critic is important, however. Your confidence will rise and you will be far more likely to achieve your objectives no matter the environment. Dawn Leane is the Founder of Leane Leaders

Work to achieve parity in the workplace is often assigned to women, but research shows that when men advocate for equity, everyone wins, says Andrea Dermody Gender equality issues are nothing new in the boardroom. Grant Thornton’s 2022 report Women in Business: Opening the door to diverse talent revealed that just 33 percent of senior leaders globally are female. Time and again, research shows that the more diverse a company, the better its performance. So perhaps it’s time to shift the focus and consider how men can play their part in the pursuit of parity. Men as allies Too many organisations still miss the mark on gender balance efforts by focusing gender initiatives solely on what women can do to level the playing field—or, at best, inviting men to attend diversity and inclusion events designed for women. An alternative drive towards ‘allyship’ is, however, steadily gaining pace. For men, this is about acknowledging and using their privilege to help others. When they do, they can help to share knowledge, break down barriers, and promote equal access. Why allyship matters Notably, the more women occupying a seat in a company’s C-suite and corporate board, the better its sustainability, corporate social responsibility, and business performance. With this in mind, having men as allies should be a business imperative. Empowering men is one pathway towards allyship. Male allies can help advocate for women’s voices to be heard, and that commitments to equity and inclusion are taken seriously. But believing in the cause is only part of the equation. Men must actively work to achieve it.  Grant Thornton’s 2022 research suggests male allies can support progress towards gender parity among senior leadership in several impactful ways, from exerting influence to change behaviours in their circles to facing down sexist behaviour and supporting and encouraging female colleagues. The result is reciprocal reward. The business performs better, and male allies experience personal growth, broaden their network, and, most importantly, experience the associated benefits of a unified, energised and collaborative team. Allyship is a verb, not a noun For men, the message is clear: you must take action. W. Brad Johnson and David G. Smith, authors of Good Guys: How Men Can Be Better Allies for Women in the Workplace, offer five ‘rules to live by’ for men who aspire to better ally behaviour in the service of promoting tangible gender equity in the workplace: Allyship is a journey, not a destination. Nobody ever “arrives” as an ally. Allyship is with, not for. Make your ally actions collaborative.  Allyship perpetuates autonomy, not dependence. You must hold yourself accountable for the net outcome of your ally behaviour. Allyship is about decentring, not standing in the spotlight. Speak less, hand the mic to women with key expertise, and structure projects, so women gain credit.  Allyship is critical to improving the status quo. Examine longstanding practices that perpetuate systemic inequities. Overcoming barriers  Allyship is growing trend, as is training in this area, but there is a gender gap in the perception of what success here means. Research shows that women and other underrepresented groups see less evidence of measurable workplace change than men. In short, men are essentially worse allies than they think. In this no-holds-barred report released in 2018 by the Harvard Business Review, the authors also suggest there can be a cost to men who act as allies. The authors describe the ‘wimp penalty’ of allyship, where men who advocate for female colleagues are seen as less competent by both men and women.  Finding the balance Barriers aside, it’s clear from the evidence that progress towards gender balance in senior leadership is accelerated when men act as allies. The more positive interactions men have with women in professional settings, the less prejudice and exclusion they tend to demonstrate. Here are some practical suggestions for closing the allyship gap: Make allyship an organisational value and priority: ensure senior leaders can talk clearly about the importance of allyship as it connects to core business outcomes, demonstrating how they value it personally and in their business. Listen and collaborate: demonstrate generous listening, show that you understand, and take meaningful action. Move from awareness to action: consider actions and techniques to overcome, challenge, disrupt, and prevent these behaviours and inequities. Create a community of allies who share and grow: allyship is not a ‘one-and-done’ process. Allow your communities to continue to learn and develop the skills they need to support the women in your organisation. There is a role for allyship to play in gender parity efforts. Ensuring that men are given a dignified, respectful role in becoming allies will bring wide-ranging benefits associated with a truly inclusive team. And then everyone wins. Andrea Dermody is a diversity and inclusion consultant, speaker and coach at Dermody

Burnout is a term we hear a lot of it when dealing with workplace stress and is a pressing issue for employees and students alike. Prolonged or severe workplace stress can lead to burnout. Here we discuss what burnout is and how we can deal with it to regain balance and begin to feel hopeful again. What is burnout? Burnout is a relatively new concept with the term first coined in 1974 by psychologist, Herbert Freudenberger. It is defined by the World Health Organisation (WHO) as “a syndrome conceptualised as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. It is characterised by three dimensions: feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion; increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one's job; and reduced professional efficacy.” In 2019, burnout was recognised by the WHO as an ‘occupational phenomenon’. Feelings of burnout typically occur when you are overwhelmed at work and feel as if you can no longer keep up with the demands of the job. A 2022 large-scale study by Workhuman and Gallup found that employees in Ireland are suffering from burnout and stress more often than our European counterparts with 3 in 10 employees in Ireland reporting being burnt out very often or always. The same research found employees in Ireland are the most likely to report being stressed with 6.5 in 10 saying they experienced stress ‘a lot’ the previous day. We spend most of our waking life at work, so if we dislike it, dread going, and are extremely dissatisfied with what we are doing, it can place a serious toll on our lives. However, it is more than just the ‘Sunday Scaries’. Burnout is a gradual process and if left unaddressed can lead to many far-reaching and serious consequences. Therefore, it’s important to deal with burnout at an early stage. The burnout stages As mentioned previously, burnout isn’t a sudden onset, it develops gradually over time with symptoms and signs increasing in intensity. Research has identified that these 5 stages (outlined below) are commonly observed.   The Honeymoon Stage- this usually occurs at the start of a new job or project where productivity, optimism, energy and job satisfaction are high. Onset of Stress – like all honeymoon periods, these feelings begin to dwindle and wane. This stage is where we consciously become aware of work stressors. Chronic Stress – this stage is where we notice a marked difference in stress levels and intensity on a more frequent basis. Burnout – this is where we begin to reach our capacity limit and can longer function like we normally would. Work and its issues begin to consume you and you tend to experience serious self-doubt and symptoms become persistent. Habitual Burnout – If left untreated, burnout can become embedded into our daily lives and we experience chronic mental and physical exhaustion and adverse behavioural changes. Symptoms of Burnout These are the signs to look-out for if you think you are reaching burnout. Symptoms of burnout are wide-ranging affecting us physically, emotionally and behaviourally. Getting sick more often - Burnout can cause long-term changes to your body, weakening immunity that makes you increasingly more vulnerable to illnesses like colds and flu. Frequent headaches, muscle pain, or gastrointestinal issues – caused by prolonged stress and being in fight or flight mode constantly. Pattern and habit changes – such as sleep issues or loss of appetite. Feeling tired and drained all the time – regardless of how much rest you get. Concentration issue due to overload. Low mood – loss of motivation, having an increasingly cynical/negative outlook, feeling detachment and withdrawing from others. Feeling helpless, trapped, and defeated. Procrastinating on tasks and duties and retreating from responsibility. Skipping work, arriving late and leaving early. Coping Strategies Early intervention is key for preventing burnout and reaching the latter stages of burnout. Burnout is a risk factor for other serious diseases such as depression, heart attacks, stroke, osteoporosis, diabetes, and reduced life expectancy. The good news is we can bounce back from burnout. But what can you do to avoid reaching total burnout? Take the time off work you need to recharge and assess your situation. Speak with your manager or HR department about your workload, how and what you are struggling with – do you have a lot on your plate work-wise? Could some tasks be delegated or put on pause? Know your boundaries and limitations- poor and blurred boundaries are the main reasons people reach burnout. Often, we can say yes to too many work requests that we may not necessarily be able to take on. It requires strength but don’t be afraid to say no to certain work projects or tasks. It is important to set clear work boundaries, take regular breaks and set a work schedule to protect your health. Look after yourself- move your body, try stress management techniques, make sure you sleep and rest enough, and feed your body with nutritious foods. Check out our article, foods to manage stress. Be compassionate and patient with yourself – recovering from burnout is not a linear process. Talk to a professional to discover coping strategies that will personally work for you. How we can help The Thrive Wellbeing Hub provides free emotional supports to members, students and family members. We offer a confidential space for you to talk, whether you need a listening ear, wellbeing advice or professional counselling, we are here for you. You can contact the thrive wellbeing team by email at: thrive@charteredaccountants.ie or by phone: (+353) 86 0243294

Bottling up emotions can prevent us from processing them and make them harder to handle. But so many of us find it hard to talk about our feelings. We might overthink the process, worry about being judged, or struggle to find the right language.   There’s no right or wrong way to go about sharing how you feel, though.  You could speak to family and friends for support. Or you may find it easier to open up to a professional counsellor or coach. Maybe you have a colleague or line manager you can approach.   Other sources of support may include a religious or spiritual community, teachers, or academic supervisors.   The important thing is that you feel safe and supported by the person you’re opening up to.  Tips to help you open up about your feelings  Communicate in a way you’re comfortable with   If you can't speak face to face, you could try talking on a video or phone call. Or maybe you prefer to write your feelings down in a letter, email, or online chat.  Writing your feelings down provides a space to reflect on, and shape, what you want to say. Writing a letter to yourself, or keeping a journal, are great ways to explore your feelings. They can also help you articulate them when you’re ready to share.   Find the right time and place  When you’re ready to talk, find somewhere comfortable, relatively quiet, and where you’re unlikely to be disturbed or interrupted.   If you’re planning to talk with a colleague, manager, or friend, consider telling them in advance that you want to have a personal and private conversation. They can then prepare to give you enough time and space.   You may also want to discuss any concerns about confidentiality.  Practise what you want to say   What do you want to say? How much do you want to share? Try not to overthink it, but have a vague idea of what you want to cover.   Give your plan some flexibility so that you can adapt to how the conversation naturally unfolds. It can be distressing if you have a rigid plan for the conversation and things don’t go how you wanted.  The trick is to balance knowing what you’d like to say, and leaving room for the other person to speak.   To help you prepare, you could make some brief notes or write points down in a journal. You don’t have to share everything. You’re in control of what you share. Opening phrases like, ‘I haven’t felt like myself lately,’ or ‘I’ve been struggling to cope lately,’ may provide a starting point.  Aim to use language and phrases that are comfortable and relevant to your experiences.   Be honest  It can help someone to understand what you’re experiencing if you describe how your feelings are affecting your life, and what actions they’re prompting you to take (or stopping you from taking).   You might say, ‘I’ve been really anxious lately, and it’s making me withdraw’, or ‘I’m feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work I have on and it’s really affecting my sleep’.   Making connections between how you feel and your behaviours helps people to understand your situation. It may even be something they can relate to.   You may also find it helpful to share how you feel about the emotions you’re experiencing. Perhaps you feel anxious about your low mood, or guilty when you feel happy.  This gives the other person more information about what you’re going through and helps you to better understand what you’re experiencing.  Explain how you feel  Acknowledging how difficult it is for you to talk about your feelings gives the other person a chance to respond in a sensitive and helpful way.   You could say, ‘I find it hard to share what I feel, but I think it would be helpful…’. This might also give you some time and space to settle into the rhythm and tone of the conversation.   If you start to feel uncomfortable, let the other person know and give them the chance to reply.  Suggest things that might help   It can be useful for both of you to share some examples of what you’d find helpful. This might be listening. Or it could be something more practical, like if you’re talking to your manager, you could discuss potential changes to your job and responsibilities.   Start slowly It may take several conversations to explain how you’re feeling. That’s ok. The goal is to express your genuine experiences, and do so in a way that allows you (and whoever you’re talking to) to feel comfortable.   While it isn’t your responsibility to manage how other people respond, it may be beneficial to both of you to allow time for them to process what you’ve told them and return to the conversation later.  Similarly, if the other person’s response upsets you, or they don’t seem willing or able to respond helpfully, the wisest and kindest thing you can do is talk to someone else.   It’s not your job to convince someone to help you. Nor do you have to justify how you feel. Maintaining your boundaries around difficult and sensitive conversations will empower you to support yourself safely.   Cultivate openness without dependence  When you first talk about your emotions, it’s easy to feel dependent on the people you share them with, especially if you only share your experiences with one person.   The goal of disclosing your emotions is for you to manage your feelings so that you can better support yourself. That’s very different from depending solely on others.  Although friends and family can sometimes help you feel less anxious, it’s important that this process empowers you to work through your emotions independently.  Talking about your emotions should be an experience that strengthens the openness and trust you have in relationships, without making others responsible for how you feel.   Be kind to yourself  Whenever you feel uncomfortable, unsure, or guilty about sharing how you feel, ask yourself what you’d say to a loved one dealing with something similar. Apply the same kindness to yourself.   Our emotions affect so many things, from our ability to learn, to how creative we are, to whether we can develop and sustain healthy and reciprocal relationships. So it’s vital we find positive ways to explore and express them.   Talking about our feelings can make us feel vulnerable, but try to see it as investing in yourself. By sharing how you feel with someone supportive and trustworthy, you’ll learn ways to support yourself through life’s ups and downs.   Sharing how you feel with others also gives them permission to share how they’re feeling, too, allowing us each to contribute to a society where we can all be more emotionally authentic.   Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.

Self-compassion is the ability to treat yourself with the same care and kindness as you would a good friend who was going through a difficult and stressful time. 'Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you're good enough, self-compassion asks what's good for you, what do you need?' Kristin Neff Showing compassion to others When we are compassionate to others, we have an intention to be with them through the difficulties they are experiencing and to alleviate their suffering and stress in some way. This can often be very different to the way we treat ourselves through the challenges of life. How often have we provided support for someone we care about and yet end up criticising ourselves endlessly for our various perceived inadequacies or shortcomings. Many of us have been taught to put others first. But neglecting ourselves in order to do this isn't an effective or sustainable long term strategy without considering what we need to keep emotionally well. Maintaining the inner capacity to be there for our family, friends and colleagues is reliant on looking after ourselves well. Self-compassion means you are understanding and kind to yourself when confronted with personal failings and mistakes – after all, whoever said you were supposed to be perfect? Why we need to be compassionate towards ourselves Feeling stressed and being hard on ourselves is very common, especially in a culture which is increasingly performance and target focused. Loneliness and isolation are also increasing in our ever digitally focused world. If you are finding it difficult to manage the many challenges, threats and distractions of our modern world, you are not alone. With current figures of one in four people developing a mental health difficulty in any given year and the rising levels of distress within young people, many people are struggling to align life with their deeper values and needs. A self-critical and unkind stance towards yourself when you are going through testing times will only serve to activate the fight or flight stress response, clouding the minds ability to remain calm. Some people may feel reluctant to develop self-compassion as they might feel the notion is self-indulgent or self-pitying. But developing the ability and strength to face and manage our difficulties, without isolating ourselves from others and becoming absorbed in our own pain is the essence of courageous living. Being able to attend to your own difficulties and challenges wisely will enable you to have the spare emotional capacity to engage with others and life in a more helpful way. According to Kristin Neff there are three key elements to compassion: Self-kindness An ability to relate to ourselves with warmth and kindness. Common humanity The appreciation that we all suffer at times and you are not alone in these feelings. Mindful awareness The ability to view our difficulties in a balanced perspective so that we can keep engaging in life. How to develop emotional resilience There has been much interest in the effects of developing compassion within ourselves from a scientific perspective. Research has shown that people who score high on self-compassion: Cope better with adversities Take more personal initiative and responsibility Are less fearful of making mistakes and being rejected Are more emotionally intelligent, happier and more optimistic Take better care of themselves physically and emotionally The good news is that our compassionate self can be developed and enhanced through training and practice so that we become more attuned to supporting ourselves through the difficulties of life rather than sabotaging ourselves and making situations more unmanageable than they need to be. How to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself Be aware of your internal voice Becoming aware of how we talk to ourselves, the tone of voice we use and language we use gives us the opportunity to move from harshness to supportive tendencies. Noticing the good Being able to notice and celebrate moments of the day and our good qualities is an essential part of managing and balancing difficult times. Each day ask yourself: When have I been at my best today for someone else? What has been my best moment of today? Give yourself encouragement It is more effective to become your own internal ally and support system rather than your own harshest critic. Written by: Kirsty Lilley Kirsty has delivered mindfulness and self-compassion courses to a wide variety of workplaces during her career and is also a trained psychotherapist and coach. She has worked at a strategic level within organisations developing wellbeing policies and been responsible for developing training courses on improving mental health and wellbeing. Kirsty is committed to an integrated and compassionate approach when helping others to fulfil their potential. Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.