Swapping self-criticism for self-compassion can help us to become more resilient, overcome difficult situations and boost our mental health. Dee France, Thrive’s Wellbeing Lead, explains why.
“You are your own worst critic” is a popular phrase for a reason and will resonate with many of us.
Our inner critic can be very harsh, and while we shouldn’t outright ignore it, we also shouldn’t give it more attention than it deserves. In fact, it could be argued that a healthy dose of self-doubt and criticism is necessary as it allows us to monitor our behaviour and check ourselves.
However, overwhelming negative self-talk and being too critical of oneself can be damaging and detrimental to how we live our daily lives, not to mention the devastating impact it can have on our mental health.
This is where a level of self-compassion is needed. Humans are collectively compassionate beings, showing a great deal of understanding and kindness to others, but we aren’t always great at being kind to ourselves.
Where self-criticism asks, “am I good enough?” self-compassion asks, “what’s good for me?” Instead of dwelling on mistakes, past failures and judging and criticising yourself for various imperfections or shortcomings, self-compassion means you are understanding and supportive of yourself.
How do we develop self-compassion?
Like any skill, developing a sense of self-compassion requires time, practice and patience. As a leading researcher in self-compassion, Doctor Kristin Neff theorises that there are three core fundamentals to self-compassion.
Mindful awareness
This involves being aware of your thoughts and emotions and taking a balanced and mindful approach to both, neither suppressing nor exaggerating, but simply acknowledging your feelings without judgment.
Self-kindness
This involves caring for yourself the way you would a friend or family member going through a difficult time. When we are faced with challenging situations or have feelings of inadequacy, rather than beating ourselves up, we are instead supportive and encouraging of ourselves. Self-kindness gives us the security and perspective to put ourselves in a better frame of mind to cope with any challenges we may experience.
Common humanity
Self-compassion is rooted in common humanity. When we make a mistake, it is common to think we are the only person in the world who is flawed. Common humanity is recognising that everyone is flawed, vulnerable and imperfect. It is important to acknowledge that we all make mistakes and have our own insecurities. Nobody is perfect and this is something that connects, rather than separates, us.
Self-compassion and wellbeing
Self-compassion can be thought of as being self-indulgent or feeling sorry for ourselves, but developing the ability to cope and manage our difficulties is good for our emotional wellbeing.
Research studies show that those who are more self-compassionate benefit from better mental and physical health.
Further, people with higher levels of self-compassion tend to be more resilient, have a less physical response to stressors and spend less time dwelling on situations after they have happened.
Self-compassion involves recognising strengths and achievements, which, in turn, boosts our self-confidence and self-belief. A study by the Universities of Exeter and Oxford found that self-compassion can immediately calm your heart rate and lessen stress responses.
Study participants also demonstrated a general state of relaxation and security and reported a stronger sense of connection to other people. Exercising self-compassion makes you more likely to:
- engage in healthy behaviours such as exercise, eating better and better sleeping patterns;
- be less fearful of making mistakes, rejection or change;
- display higher levels of emotional intelligence, happiness and optimism;
- handle and cope with adversity and difficulties better; and
- demonstrate healthier boundaries in both your professional and personal life.
Practising self-compassion
There is a vast array of ways we can cultivate self-compassion. To get started, there are plenty of helpful resources, tools, exercises and templates available online.
Below are a few ways you can start showing yourself a little more kindness and understanding:
- Practice mindfulness and self-reflection: learn to observe and evaluate your thoughts; activities such as journalling and meditation can aid this. This encourages you to be curious and self-aware, understanding that your thoughts and assumptions are just that – they are not facts.
- Reward and celebrate: celebrate your successes and achievements. Practice gratitude and celebrate moments of positivity and kindness. Keep a list of personal strengths to review in moments of self-doubt.
- Take a break: time away from your day-to-day routine and a change of scenery can help you keep things in perspective.
- Strengthen your connections: kindness is contagious! Showing love and understanding to the people around you means you are more likely to show yourself the same compassion.
- Do things you enjoy: spending time on our passions, hobbies and interests is good for the soul and brings a sense of satisfaction and achievement.
Thrive is the Institute’s dedicated wellbeing hub that offers confidential wellbeing support to students and members. For more advice or information, check out Thrive’s Wellbeing Hub. Alternatively, you can contact the team by email at thrive@charteredaccountants.ie or phone at (+353) 86 024 3294.
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