Edel Walsh explains how to transform negative self-talk into empowering, positive prompts to help you on your path to qualification Do you find your internal self-talk is overly negative?  Now, ask yourself a question: would you speak to a friend or a family member so negatively?  The answer is nearly always no. If you wouldn’t speak to others so negatively, then why is it OK to talk to yourself like this?  It’s time we turn negative self-talk into positive prompts. Mindset Mindset is a powerful belief you have about yourself.  There are two types of mindsets: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.  In a fixed mindset you believe you are good at something or you are bad at something. There is no in-between. You believe there is no room to grow or to get better at things.  In a growth mindset, on the other hand, you believe your skills and intelligence can be improved with intentional practice and effort.  Fixed mindset When we are studying, we sometimes feel the pull of the fixed mindset. We fall into thinking traps, and negative self-talk takes over.  For example, if you feel out of control about passing your exams, you might hear yourself say, “I never get anything right. I am never going to be able to pass these exams.”  When you believe you don’t have the confidence to ask for help with your studies, you might hear yourself say, “I am worried about what other people will think if I ask for help."  If you think you don’t have the competence or the intelligence to pass your exams, you might hear yourself say, “My colleagues are better than me”, “I am not good enough”, or “I fail more than I succeed." The human brain is a sophisticated organ. However, if you keep telling your brain you can’t do something, it has no option but to believe you. Our brains cannot distinguish between perception and reality.  Unfortunately, when you tell yourself you can’t do something, this often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Growth mindset and positive prompts The opposite is also true. The growth mindset starts in the brain. The key is to catch the negative thinking traps and re-frame these thoughts into positive thinking prompts.  Positive thinking prompts are positive messages or self-talk that help you stay motivated and inspired.  Positive prompts help you to take progressive action by seeing things from a different perspective. They also serve as positive reminders to motivate yourself. By changing how you think and re-framing your self-talk, you can move from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset.  Here are some positive prompts: “This topic is difficult for me, but I know when I study effectively, I will improve.” “Sometimes, the way I study does not give me the results I want. I can change my study strategy to get better results.” “Failure is not the end of the world. I can learn a lesson to improve in the future.” These positive prompts are about appreciating that challenges occur and are stepping-stones towards something better.  Mistakes are OK When we make mistakes in our studies, the volume of negative self-talk can get louder.  For example: “If I was any good, I wouldn’t keep making mistakes.” What we need to remember is that learning is messy and filled with mistakes and setbacks. Without mistakes, there would be no learning.  The important thing is what you learn from making the mistake.  Tone down the negative self-talk and re-frame it into a positive prompt, such as “Mistakes are valuable learning opportunities.”  Not knowing vs not knowing YET The word 'yet' is magical. This little three-letter word packs a big punch.  The use of 'yet' is particularly useful when encouraging learning. Let’s consider these two statements: I don’t understand double-entry bookkeeping; vs  I don’t understand double-entry bookkeeping yet! The difference in meaning between the two statements is significant.  The first statement suggests you have no understanding of double-entry book-keeping. While the  second statement says the same thing, the word “yet” implies that you will get there. You may not understand double-entry book-keeping at this moment, but you     will understand it at some point  soon.  A simple way to start changing to a growth mindset is by using the word 'yet'. Here are some more examples: I can’t do this…yet. I don’t know…yet. It doesn’t make sense…. yet. I am not good at this…yet. I don’t get this…yet. Catching negative thoughts and turning them into positive prompts takes time and effort but the results will have an overall positive impact on your mental and emotional well-being.  Edel Walsh is a student and exam coach. Her website is www.edelwalsh.ie

Jean Evans explores how the language women use at work can adversely affect their career prospects and how they can change it The way women use language can sometimes be perceived as undermining their confidence. It’s something women have been conditioned to do and it’s a part of how they communicate. No matter how expert, qualified or senior a woman is in the workplace, the consequences are the same. They are often unaware of the negative impact using self-defeating language can have on their career progression and professional life. Confidence and how women (and men) are perceived is often subliminal and imperceptible. Confident people get promotions, access to projects, support, financing and so much more. So, what happens when a woman is not confident at work? What happens when she undermines herself consistently without even realising it? What happens when her choice of words expresses a lack of self-belief or imposter complex? The result is that she may be turned down for a new job, passed over for a promotion, not given access to projects, or financial support ... the list goes on. Several factors can contribute to this perception: Hedging: Women tend to use more hedging language or qualifiers in their speech, such as “I think”, “maybe” or “sort of” to soften their statements or appear less assertive. This can create an impression of uncertainty or lack of confidence along with a need for validation from others. Apologising: Women often apologise more frequently than men, even when it may not be necessary. Apologising unnecessarily can give the impression that a woman lacks confidence in her opinions or actions. Politeness: Women are often socialised to be more polite and accommodating in their speech. While politeness is generally valued, it can sometimes be perceived as a lack of assertiveness or confidence. Upward inflection: Women sometimes use upward inflection, or ‘uptalk’, at the end of their sentences, making statements sound like questions. This can make them seem as if they are doubting themselves and seeking outward validation. Minimising achievements: Women often downplay their accomplishments or use self-deprecating humour to avoid appearing boastful. While this may be a way to navigate social norms, it can also inadvertently undermine their perceived confidence in their achievements. Minimising the intrusion: This often shows up as “I’m just ...” The word ‘just’ is heavily tied to point 2 in this list – apologising for intruding on someone by email, phone, etc. It’s important to note that these linguistic behaviours are not inherently indicative of a lack of confidence. No matter how expert she may be in her field, any woman may still fall into these linguistics patterns. They can be influenced by societal expectations and unconscious bias. But the fact is that every time this undermining language is used, women lose out. What’s the antidote? Firstly, it’s about women becoming aware of how they speak and write. My advice is that, if you can engage a coach or have a trusted bestie, mention this to them and ask them to highlight any linguistic tendencies that may not be serving you. After a few goes, you will become aware of when you’re doing it and then you can start redefining your speaking habits to back up just how confident and able you actually are. I had a coaching client recently who used the word ‘just’ a lot. I asked her to reread her emails before sending them and to catch herself whenever this word popped up. She texted me back the very next day to say her confidence had shot up exponentially because of this seemingly minor change. She hadn’t even noticed until then how she had been apologising for almost everything! And that was her first step towards a really positive change. Jean Evans is Networking Architect at NetworkMe

We all experience anxiety at times, after all, it is a normal and natural response to stressful and dangerous situations. It is our body’s way of keeping us safe and has been critical to our survival as a species. It can focus our attention, helps us react, and even improve our performance in certain situations. Anxiety is described as uncomfortable feelings of nervousness, worry, uneasiness and tension. A healthy amount of anxiety is perfectly ok and expected but what happens when it builds up and becomes difficult to manage? Signs of Anxiety Anxiety is a common state, it is estimated that one in nine people will experience anxiety in their lifetime. Anxiety affects people in different ways, but it has physical, emotional, and behavioural effects and signs. Signs of anxiety include: Being on edge, restless or irritable, feeling a sense of dread Difficulty concentrating or making decisions Repeatedly checking things or seeking assurance from others Avoiding situations or putting off doing things Change in eating habits – increased or decreased appetite, craving junk food Dizziness or trembling Sweating Racing heart Shortness of breath Physical aches or pain – headaches, stomach problems and nausea, diarrhoea, muscle tension or pain, jaw clenching Sleep problems – disturbed sleep, tiredness, nightmare, teeth-grinding Pins and needles A dry mouth Types of Anxiety There are several kinds of anxiety that can affect individuals and have varying symptoms and triggers. Here are the most common types of anxiety: Generalised Anxiety Disorder is the most common type of anxiety where sufferers feel constantly and excessively anxious about a wide range of situations and issues. Social Anxiety is characterized by an intense feeling of anxiety and self-consciousness in everyday social situations. Severe forms can cause a person to experience symptoms almost anytime they are around other people. Panic Disorder is an anxiety which causes regular panic attacks with no particular triggers. It is bouts of intense fear that are often accompanied by physical symptoms such as chest pain, racing hear, shortness of breath, or dizziness. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is repeated unwelcome thoughts and/or a compulsion to carry out repetitive behaviours that can be difficult to ignore. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety that is triggered by very stressful, frightening or distressing events. PTSD sufferers often relive these traumatic events through nightmares and flashbacks, and may experience feelings of isolation, irritability and guilt. Tips to help with anxiety The causes and kinds of anxiety are complex. Anxiety requires treatment such as psychotherapy in the form of talking therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and/or exposure and response prevention (ERP) or in the short-term, anti-anxiety medication. However, there are many things you can do to help you learn how to manage feelings of anxiety. Keep a mood diary- Check in with yourself on daily basis and take note of how you are feeling at different times, rating how anxious you are feeling on a scale of 1-10. List what you are feeling anxious about and if there are things you can do to ease those feelings. Make time- If you are feeling particularly anxious, set aside some ‘worry time’ to go through your worries. When that time is up, consciously focus your thoughts on other things. Challenge unhelpful thoughts- Our thought patterns can exacerbate our feelings of anxiety and lead to negative and unhelpful thoughts. Challenge these thoughts and do not accept them as fact. Ask yourself: Is there evidence that confirms your thoughts Is there another way to look at it If you were to think positively about the situation, how would you view it Talk about your feelings - Telling someone about how you are feeling can help make things clearer for you. Relaxation techniques – Breathing and mindfulness exercise help keep you in the present moment and help your mind and body take control of a situation. Lifestyle factors- Eating healthy, regular exercise and getting plenty of sleep can improve your mental and physical wellbeing and burn off anxious energy. If anxiety is affecting you or someone you love, the Thrive Wellbeing Hub is here to offer advice, information and support on anxiety and for those who need it, we can arrange professional counselling. You can contact the Thrive wellbeing team by email at: thrive@charteredaccountants.ie or by phone: (+353) 86 0243294.

Each year in January we have Blue Monday.  Often referred to as the most depressing day of the year, researchers have cited the third Monday of January as a day when we are at our lowest, but it doesn’t have to be this way.  Blue Monday was awarded the gloomy title due to a combination of reasons. Christmas and New Year joy has evaporated, resolutions and motivation begin to crack and wane, finances can be stretched and we find ourselves in the thick of winter.  However, it is important not to allow the concept to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. The day can present an opportunity to check in with yourself, practise some self-care and a chance to look after your physical and mental health. Perhaps it is time to retrain our brain and change our outlook on the month itself- maybe January could be a time for gentleness, reflection and self-compassion rather than abstinence and self-criticism. January is a bleak month but a positive spin on the gloomy dark days of winter is to think of the days getting a little brighter with each one that passes and is another step closer to Spring and Summer. There is something reassuring about the subtle change in nature in anticipation of better weather that can lift our spirits and encourage us to look to the future. Or why not carve out some time for yourself this blue Monday and make plans to brighten up the day.  Enjoy a sunrise morning walk Have a slow, gentle morning or breakfast Spend quality time with family/kids  Explore, and appreciate, your local area and surrounds Get out in nature Plan an adventure or complete a task you have been avoiding Embrace online learning Tackle that big DIY project and much-avoided clear-out Develop a new gardening skills Learn to cook or bake something new Catch up with friends Activity/Health Now is a good time as we start new beginnings to think about your health. Being active and having a healthy heart has never been more important. A regular walk will make a big difference and there is plenty of workouts or classes online, no matter what your fitness level. Carve out time for you!  Self-care Managing our stress and anxiety levels is essential and many people use meditation or yoga. But everyone is different, and some find painting or gardening works. Explore some options and find what works for you.  Appreciation The New Year gives us time to reflect and consider our surroundings, our family, friends, and appreciate all that is good in our lives. It also gives us the opportunity to consider changing things which perhaps were not so good for us.   

The theme of Alcohol Awareness Week 2022 is change, something that most people find challenging, but change is ever present. We can all easily slip into patterns and routines, and drinking more than we should or using alcohol as a coping mechanism is one. However high levels of alcohol consumed regularly can undermine our physical and mental health. One of the biggest challenge is to force a change in our mindset and seek alternative tools.  If you are finding you are inclined to drink more heavily and frequently, then perhaps it is an opportunity to explore alternative coping strategies. Being mindful and observing a low-risk relationship with alcohol can make a big difference to your anxiety levels and mood. Below are some tips to get you started: Stick to the weekly low-risk alcohol guidelines If you can stick to these guidelines it will reduce alcohol related problems The recommended weekly low-risk alcohol guidelines are less than: 11 standard drinks for women 17 standard drinks for men Drinks should be spread out over the week –no more than 2 standard a day for men, or 1 standard a day for women. Have 2-3 alcohol-free days per week. For more on these guidelines and what is a standard drink check out the HSE site. The Ask About Alcohol  drinks calculator also provides fact-based non-judgmental information about how drinking affects health, wallet and weight. Be aware of your mental health & wellbeing An awareness of how you are feeling can help you identify behaviours and any self-destructing tendencies. Do you use alcohol to ward off or cope with a bad day, stress or low mood?  If so, it is important to look for alternative ways to deal with our mental health and wellbeing.  Connecting with others is essential as it gives us purpose and a sense of belonging. Get out and about, walking and being outside is so good for our mental health. Keep a routine that works Most of us not only like routine, but we need it, so find a routine that works for you and reap the benefits. Keeping structure to your day and evenings will really help you to stay focused. Find alcohol free alternative tools Explore new options and find something you enjoy and works for you. Reaching for that drink each evening can become a bad habit and one which could be hard to break. Reconnect with hobbies or interests you once had or learn a new skill and try some relaxation or mindfulness. Take a news break Turn off the endless newsfeed for a few hours. Anxiety, depression, and alcohol are linked, so give yourself a break and take sometime out from social media and all news feed. You will be amazed how quickly your mood can change once these distractions are removed.

Executive Coach, Facilitator and Founder of xPotential, Ewan Dunbar shares his experience of dealing with cancer and how his journey changed the trajectory of his life, career and mindset. 5,000 Steps!! That was my goal … if I could achieve that then I was sure that my system would kick back in, my wounds would start to heal properly, I would be able to cope without morphine and I would recover fully mentally.  24 hours earlier I had undergone significant surgery to remove stage three cancer and fit a temporary stoma bag for a year.  I had cried for the first time in over a decade when I looked down at my stoma wound, exhausted from the pain and a sleep deprived night in the “Zombie ward” (as I ‘affectionately’ named it). The Zombie Ward was intensive care where patients were typically on morphine and definitely not in control of their senses during the night (I only have admiration for the nursing staff).  I decided to take control of the situation… I declined any more ‘purple tablets’ (the morphine), forced myself out of bed and started putting one foot in front of the other to get walking.  I achieved the 5,000 steps within a couple of days much to the amusement (and possible annoyance) of the nursing staff as I marched up and down blocking the hospital corridor.  I achieved 10,000 steps after day five (not to be recommended) and was released from hospital in half the time I was originally told I had to stay for.  I had set a goal. I had a purpose. I had prepared through significant physical training in advance of my operation and apart from the ‘wobbly 24 hours’ mentioned above, I was determined to live up to the expectations that my friends, family and colleagues expected of me.  Throughout the year of my cancer treatment, the importance of having a really strong network was emphasised to me.  Everyone viewed me as being really positive but I was only positive because of them (they were the fuel to my fire in trying to cope with the challenges presented to me). How did I get there though? As everyone is all too aware, there are carcinogens throughout the world in which we live.  There is not any way to know definitively the cause of my disease however for me it was not coincidental that I was experiencing the most stressful period of my working career.  Whilst smiling on the outside and still being that positive person that everyone expected at work, I was going through so many challenges that I was not sleeping properly.  Despite a rigorous exercise regime, I was constantly exhausted from a lack of sleep and worrying about work issues.  It also does not surprise me that all the cancer sufferers that I befriended who are in their forties also developed cancer whilst going through a particularly stressful period in their lives. This is anecdotal and unfortunately people can just be extremely unfortunate, but this journey has led me to a large number of realisations which also prompted a career change.  I now coach and provide leadership talks to support business executives in navigating the challenges of business life. One of my regular questions to senior executives is “if you woke at 2am, what would you be thinking of” … unfortunately this transpires to be the reality for almost all of my clients, who are able to tell me exactly what they were thinking about.   In this ‘always on’ world, leaders need to check themselves (both physically and mentally) before they wreck themselves.  So please, if in doubt, get it checked out! (early detection is key to saving lives, possibly even yours!)  If you are struggling with business challenges then please reach out to someone for support. Written by Ewan Dunbar on behalf of Thrive. Ewan is an Executive Coach, Facilitator and Founder of xPotential. Ewan spoke at Thrive's Movember webinar, Movember Lessons: Surviving the Corporate World & Beyond, that focused on men’s health and their journey through the corporate environment. You can watch this webinar on-demand here.