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How to develop emotional resilience through self-compassion

Self-compassion is the ability to treat yourself with the same care and kindness as you would a good friend who was going through a difficult and stressful time. 'Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you're good enough, self-compassion asks what's good for you, what do you need?' Kristin Neff Showing compassion to others When we are compassionate to others, we have an intention to be with them through the difficulties they are experiencing and to alleviate their suffering and stress in some way. This can often be very different to the way we treat ourselves through the challenges of life. How often have we provided support for someone we care about and yet end up criticising ourselves endlessly for our various perceived inadequacies or shortcomings. Many of us have been taught to put others first. But neglecting ourselves in order to do this isn't an effective or sustainable long term strategy without considering what we need to keep emotionally well. Maintaining the inner capacity to be there for our family, friends and colleagues is reliant on looking after ourselves well. Self-compassion means you are understanding and kind to yourself when confronted with personal failings and mistakes – after all, whoever said you were supposed to be perfect? Why we need to be compassionate towards ourselves Feeling stressed and being hard on ourselves is very common, especially in a culture which is increasingly performance and target focused. Loneliness and isolation are also increasing in our ever digitally focused world. If you are finding it difficult to manage the many challenges, threats and distractions of our modern world, you are not alone. With current figures of one in four people developing a mental health difficulty in any given year and the rising levels of distress within young people, many people are struggling to align life with their deeper values and needs. A self-critical and unkind stance towards yourself when you are going through testing times will only serve to activate the fight or flight stress response, clouding the minds ability to remain calm. Some people may feel reluctant to develop self-compassion as they might feel the notion is self-indulgent or self-pitying. But developing the ability and strength to face and manage our difficulties, without isolating ourselves from others and becoming absorbed in our own pain is the essence of courageous living. Being able to attend to your own difficulties and challenges wisely will enable you to have the spare emotional capacity to engage with others and life in a more helpful way. According to Kristin Neff there are three key elements to compassion: Self-kindness An ability to relate to ourselves with warmth and kindness. Common humanity The appreciation that we all suffer at times and you are not alone in these feelings. Mindful awareness The ability to view our difficulties in a balanced perspective so that we can keep engaging in life. How to develop emotional resilience There has been much interest in the effects of developing compassion within ourselves from a scientific perspective. Research has shown that people who score high on self-compassion: Cope better with adversities Take more personal initiative and responsibility Are less fearful of making mistakes and being rejected Are more emotionally intelligent, happier and more optimistic Take better care of themselves physically and emotionally The good news is that our compassionate self can be developed and enhanced through training and practice so that we become more attuned to supporting ourselves through the difficulties of life rather than sabotaging ourselves and making situations more unmanageable than they need to be. How to be kinder and more compassionate to yourself Be aware of your internal voice Becoming aware of how we talk to ourselves, the tone of voice we use and language we use gives us the opportunity to move from harshness to supportive tendencies. Noticing the good Being able to notice and celebrate moments of the day and our good qualities is an essential part of managing and balancing difficult times. Each day ask yourself: When have I been at my best today for someone else? What has been my best moment of today? Give yourself encouragement It is more effective to become your own internal ally and support system rather than your own harshest critic. Written by: Kirsty Lilley Kirsty has delivered mindfulness and self-compassion courses to a wide variety of workplaces during her career and is also a trained psychotherapist and coach. She has worked at a strategic level within organisations developing wellbeing policies and been responsible for developing training courses on improving mental health and wellbeing. Kirsty is committed to an integrated and compassionate approach when helping others to fulfil their potential. Article reproduced with the kind permission of CABA, the organisation providing lifelong support to ICAEW members, ACA students and their close family around the world.

May 09, 2024
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Change the filter and boost your wellbeing

Embracing a positive perspective is a key ingredient for personal wellbeing. Aaron O’Connell asks you to consider whether you’re a glass half full or glass half empty person, and he provides a useful exercise to help you view life with a different filter and to boost your well-being. Some questions for you to consider Do you have tendency to see things positively where you are focusing on the good things that happen around you, or do you focus on the negatives, those obstacles and problems you face?  If you have a to-do list and you manage to successfully complete 19 out of 20 things, are you happy about the long list of things you’ve accomplished, or are you upset about that one thing that you didn’t get to finish? It’s your choice A hundred good things (little highlights) and one bad thing (a little low-light) might happen during your day. You have the opportunity to appreciate and remember all the good things, or to focus only on the bad things. You can look at life through a different filter. Embracing a positive perspective One useful exercise I recommend to the athletes, students and business people I work with, and indeed practice myself every night at bedtime, is to recall seven positive things that happen during the day. It’s something I picked up from internationally acclaimed sport psychologist, Dr. Terry Orlick. Before you sleep, look back over your day chronologically and highlight those good things that happened. They don’t have to be major events. Little highlights will do. “I had a lovely breakfast.” “The sun was shining today.” “I got a call from a good friend.” “I went for a lovely walk today.” You could begin this exercise by recalling three positives and increase by one each time after a few days. Look for different ones each day. As Dr. Orlick would say, it’s like “using a yellow magic marker to highlight all the good things you do, see, hear, taste, feel, and learn in a day.” Even better, write them down in a journal or on your phone. You’ll get a buzz out of revisiting and re-reading these when you’ve had a tough day. Using a different filter and living with a positive perspective is like becoming your own best friend. It’ll change your outlook in life for the good. Challenge yourself to look for seven highlights a day. Once you start looking for them and finding them, your day and your life immediately become better. You’ll experience a boost in wellbeing along with an increase in gratitude. Aaron O’Connell is the owner of Mind Your Performance. He provides consultancy and training in mental skills, mental well-being, and performance enhancement for the education, business, and sports sector. Thrive is the Institute’s dedicated wellbeing hub which provides emotional and practical support to our members, students, and their family members for life. Should you find yourself in a difficult situation, the team at Thrive can help steer you through life’s ups and downs.  Talk to us today on mobile: (353) 86 024 3294 or email us.  

Apr 04, 2024
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IWD: Step into your Power Sparkling Lunch Event

Happy International Women’s Day!  Yesterday (March 7), Thrive and the Institute’s Member Experience team welcomed over 100 guests to our Step into your Power Sparkling Lunch in celebration of International Women’s Day.   In the wonderful surroundings of the Dean Townhouse, we were joined by members and students of the chartered community who had travelled from all corners of Ireland to attend the event.  In her opening address, Dee France, from the Institute’s Thrive Wellbeing Hub, outlined the importance of shining a spotlight on some of the key challenges women continue to face in the workplace and at home, while celebrating the many advances made in recent times.  Guests enjoyed a keynote speech from Aoife Hughes, founder of FRAZZLE, entitled “How to run your home like a business” where attendees were encouraged to manage their time and boundaries more effectively while outsourcing and delegating the workload to give themselves more time for self-care ultimately leading to “calm in the chaos”.  Aisling McCaffrey, Director at Grant Thornton, facilitated a panel discussion covering some key issues of the day namely how to build confidence in the workplace, the importance of male allyship and how leaders can champion inclusion, and childcare reform and what the Institute is doing in this important area.  The panellists, Charlotte Rose Keating, founder Act on it Coaching, Andrew Keating, CFO at Musgrave and the Institute’s Tax and Public Policy Lead, Cróna Clohisey, shared many important insights into how they navigate their own personal challenges and successes both in their professional and personal lives.   The final segment of the afternoon was a fireside chat with President, Sinead Donovan and CASSI Chair Caelainn McGonigle.  Sinead outlined that, despite the many highs and lows in her 33 year career as a Chartered Accountant, the Institute had been the one constant during that time.  She shared her passion for sport and running and the importance of having a “release valve” when times get tough. Asking for help and leaning on the allies around you, was her parting advice for the #nextgen leaders of the future.   The event was also raising funds for two very important charities, CA Support (the Institute’s in-house charity and benevolent fund), and Women’s Aid, who had recently supported the Institute in the launch of its Domestic Violence Policy.  Brian Murphy, chair of CA Support, outlined the importance of donating vital funds to CA Support as the majority of the cases the charity support are families – mothers and fathers who have encountered adversity and are in dire need of assistance.   The final thoughts of the day were summed up by President Sinead Donovan, who implored anyone in the family of accountants who is struggling to seek out support from those around them.  Dee France, in her closing remarks, reminded all attendees of the Institute’s Thrive Wellbeing Hub and that the confidential service is open to all, whatever stage of their chartered journey.   Thank you to all who attended.  View photos from the event here.

Mar 08, 2024
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Preventing and managing burnout on your team

Paul Guess explains what work-related burnout means and outlines the pivotal role managers can play in prevention and recovery Many people think of ‘burnout’ as solely related to how much they work. They believe just taking some time off will relieve feelings of overwhelm and pressure and that they can quickly return to work feeling refreshed and renewed. Several factors can cause burnout, however, and it is unlikely to be resolved by taking a break. One of the most important contributors to a person’s well-being at work is their relationship with their manager. As burnout has been classified as an “occupational phenomenon” by the World Health Organization, support at work is essential to curb the rising tide of overwhelm at work.  The manager's role is critical in assessing and addressing employee burnout. Here are some tips to support leaders in preventing and managing burnout in their teams. 1. Be knowledgeable about the factors that contribute to burnout  Research has indicated the six areas that, when left unchecked, can lead to burnout. Recognising how these areas impact a team can give leaders a better idea of how to improve.  Workload Do staff have a clearly defined job description, and are their responsibilities reasonable? Additionally, do they have the resources they need to fulfil the duties assigned to them? Perceived lack of control When people feel they have a say in the decisions being made that are related to their job, it can positively affect well-being and reduce feelings of disengagement and cynicism.  Appreciation and reward When people feel the extrinsic and intrinsic rewards of their job don’t match their effort and time, they can become disengaged and unmotivated – a key indicator of burnout. Fairness Ensure that people receive fair and equitable treatment. Transparency and trust are the foundations of psychological safety within the workplace, and innovation and creativity flow from this. It is essential to effectively communicate the thinking behind decisions that impact them. Community It is vital that people feel a sense of belonging within the organisation. Develop opportunities to bring teams together and keep connections strong to build positive relationships, as loneliness and isolation are often drivers of poor mental health and well-being. Values Do the leadership’s behaviours create an environment in which people feel that it’s okay to look after their well-being? Role modelling and recognising their own management style and how it contributes to an employee’s experience is an important piece of reflective work that will lead to improved relationships. 2. Pay attention to the warning signs of poor mental health There are common indicators of burnout that managers should be aware of: poor decision making; reduced concentration levels;  feelings of overwhelm;  withdrawal; procrastination;  inability to prioritise tasks effectively;  poor timekeeping;  relationship difficulties;  expressions of anger and frustration; and  increasing cynicism and disengagement. If a manager notices these behaviours in a team member,  they must be aware of how to manage burnout in an employee. There are several steps they should take:  Start supportive conversations  Managers should use one-on-one opportunities to start exploring what might be driving any difficulty. Some people will need a little encouragement to open up, so actively listening to what they say, creating space and responding sensitively will help to reassure them that their manager is there to support them. If they feel stressed or overwhelmed by their workload, guide them on how to handle pressure. Set clear goals and spotlight progress When people don’t have clear goals, they either become stuck because they are unsure where to invest their energy or frantically churn out work in the hope it will be valuable. Good leadership involves setting clear goals that contribute to the team’s success. It’s also important to recognise progress and highlight any accomplishments or achievements by individuals or the team. Protect the team’s time A manager must protect their team’s time, especially regarding their well-being. Ensure that people take time off in light of illness, bereavement or other notable situations. Encourage people to take their annual holiday allowance and have some protected time to rest and decompress during periods away from work. Managers should always be practising the behaviours they encourage, so they must be sure to take their own time off as well. Paul Guess is a mental wellbeing expert at caba, the occupational charity supporting ICAEW

Feb 16, 2024
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CAW's wellbeing toolkit for managers

As part of the CAW's Global Wellbeing Taskforce, Thrive is delighted to introduce our revamped wellbeing toolkit for managers.  At Chartered Accountants Worldwide, we acknowledge the profound impact of mental health on work performance, relationships, and the overall quality of life. We delve into the importance of fostering employee wellbeing in our fast-paced industry. Depression and anxiety, prevalent mental health conditions, exert a significant economic toll, amounting to US$ 1 trillion each year on the global economy. Download CAW's Wellbeing Toolkit for managers in the accountancy profession. The Gallup Global Employee Survey paints a concerning picture, revealing that less than a quarter of the world's employees feel they are thriving at work, underscoring the urgency to address this growing challenge. The McKinsey Health Institute's extensive survey across 15 countries and 15,000 employees unearths a stark reality - 59% of the workforce grapples with mental health challenges, highlighting the imperative for employers to intervene and support their teams. This holds true for the Chartered Accountancy profession as well, where stress and burnout are issues, affecting over half of Chartered Accountants. Managers within this industry play a pivotal role in shaping a conducive work environment that fosters mental, emotional, and physical health. Recognising the direct link between comprehensive support and heightened engagement and productivity, it becomes both an ethical and strategic responsibility to manage wellbeing effectively. The Chartered Accountants Worldwide global wellbeing taskforce acknowledges this imperative and is proud to introduce our revamped wellbeing toolkit for managers. This toolkit stands as a comprehensive guide, arming managers with crucial insights, strategies, and best practices to cultivate a thriving and dynamic team. Above all, it emphasises the critical need to build resilience and purpose within the workplace, contributing to a more productive, rewarding, and compassionate work environment. Together, let's pave the way towards a brighter future for the Chartered Accountancy profession by prioritising mental health and fostering a culture of holistic wellbeing. Download CAW's Wellbeing Toolkit for managers in the accountancy profession.

Jan 29, 2024
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Resolutions that will make your life better

Getting a fresh start and the chance of clean slate is really appealing and creating some new year resolutions or goals means we start off on the right foot.  New habits and behaviours can be challenging they don’t happen overnight and can take commitment and dedication. The brain does not like swift, abrupt change, but the benefits can be very worthwhile, so think of this as an investment in yourself. The top ten resolutions each year include: Exercise more Lose weight Get organized Learn a new skill or hobby  Live life to the fullest Save more money / spend less money Quit smoking Spend more time with family and friends Travel more Read more Most of us can relate to some or all the resolutions listed. Resolutions and goals are unique to each of us, so perhaps before you create them consider the questions below: How would you like to feel? Will the resolution help you get there? Would you recommend this resolution to a friend of colleague? How will the resolution impact you? Are you removing something and simply making a change? What is the improvement you want to make and why? When it comes to new year resolutions almost half of us are unsuccessful at fulfilling them, so perhaps we need to consider how we approach them? Below are some tips which may help to keep you on track and ensure success. Be mindful When embarking on changing a habit or behaviour it is important to prepare mentally by taking a step back and taking stock. When thinking about any change try to keep in mind: Change should be gradual Build on smaller changes Remain positive Accept that there could be setbacks and allow for them Own them Ensure the goals you have set are yours and that this is something you want and not something which you think you should be aiming for. You have a far better chance for success if you are intrinsically motivated to reach your goal Be realistic Do not create a long list, limit the number of resolutions you commit to. Be selective about the ones which mean the most and are the most attainable for you.  Be specific It’s easy to set goals which we cannot achieve, so take some time to ensure they are achievable. A good suggestion is to use SMART to help you create them: Specific - What do you want to achieve, break it down, be specific Measurable - How can you measure if you have achieved it e.g., walk a mile in 20 minutes or lose 10% of your weight Attainable – Is the goal or resolution attainable Relevant - Keep it relevant to you, your life and how you want to improve it Timeline – Give yourself an appropriate deadline to work towards Small wins Break them up into small pieces.  As you tick off each box, your confidence will grow with each small success and spur you on. Share them By keeping the resolution to yourself you can fall into a trap and give up at the first hurdle. By sharing these with others you become accountable and less likely to forget or give in. You could also find that by sharing, other like-minded people may join you. Keep going Setbacks happen, but it is how you handle them that counts. Own the setback, understand how and why it happened and move on. Remember “the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” Lao Tzu. As we enter a New Year, the mind turns to self-improvement and personal growth, this may include taking better care of your mental health. The Institute’s wellbeing hub, Thrive, provides an array of mental health supports to members and students. Whether you need a listening ear, wellbeing advice or professional counselling, we are here for you. You can contact the team by email at: thrive@charteredaccountants.ie or by phone: (+353) 86 0243294

Jan 09, 2024
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